Flu Season

I have 75% of my children home due to the Flu.

I am not entirely convinced that Ike or Izzy have the flu, but they were pathetic enough to convince me to keep them home.

Ike in particular has this cough that rivals an emphysemic squirrel.  But he has the energy of a 5 year old hopped up on mountain dew and chocolate (neither of which he has eaten recently).  So, I am puzzled as to how to proceed. If I send him to school, I'm sure the nurse will be harrasing me like a telemarketer.  But he is driving me nuts here at home.

Moops though, he is really sick.  He finally broke his fever, but he still gets dizzy and has a nasty cough.  And he puked, it was only once and really not bad at all.  But he still puked.

Izzy was standing in the doorway as I cleaned it up.  I told her "one day I will be old and I'll poop myself and puke, and I want you to take care of me". Izzy looks me dead on and replies with "That is what nursing homes are for....."

I'm totally feeling the love there.

It's December....

Which means Christmas is around the corner.  And that means I have to clean things I normally ignore.  Like, the window blinds and that one cabinet in my kitchen that holds all the things I only use at Christmas time.

Of course December means many other things as well.  Such as concerts for both Choir and Band, which means I am seriously reconsidering my decision to enroll Izzy in both.  Two concerts in the same week.

There is also meal planning for when family comes.  The Hubs and I are not exactly wearing the same pair of rose colored glasses, his are far more rosy than mine....  The good news is  my Sister's hubby mentioned Deep Frying a Turkey and The Hubs was all over it.  So, I guess I will be investing in a fire extinguisher instead of a 15lb standing rib roast.

And Holiday parties at school, which reminds me, I need to email Alex's class about their party..... 

Oh, and then there is The Hubs' Company Party that is cocktail attire.  That means I have to buy a dress, and heels, and possibly get my hair done.  And maybe dig out my super expired make up that I bought when my sister got married.....  Or just buy more make up.

And there is the Army/Navy Game.  The ONLY football game "WE" watch.  Go Army! Sink Navy!  I go for the wings and to watch The Hubs relive his days with other Alumnists.  Is "alumnists" a word?  I should use spell check.  Nope, it's not, but you catch the drift.  Right?

We had NAGA this weekend.  It was a blast.  Alex got first place and earned his Katana.  Moops pulled off the most incredible arm bar ever!  And my Mom was there to see it!  Super exciting!

Oh, then my sister had her baby.  An itty bitty cutie of a little girl.  We spent the whole weekend holding her.  Well, except for when we were at NAGA watching my boys do great!

And now, I am here and falling asleep at the keyboard.  So, I wish you all a good night and hopefully no reindeer disturb your slumber....

Question...

If a mirror comes crashing down in the middle of the night, and everyone is asleep, will anyone hear it?

Answer:  Yes, The Hubs.

 

But that doesn't mean we will realize that it was the mirror in the hall bathroom, until the following day. 

 

Instead, The Hubs will scour the house and then question his sanity.  Since NO ONE else heard the very loud crash associated with a large mirror falling off a wall onto a tile floor.

 

It felt good to message The Hubs a picture of the mirror and reaffirm that he has not yet lost his marbles.

 

Of course I had myself questioning my sanity just a week earlier.

 

I take the boys to the park after school on Fridays, while we wait for Izzy to finish up chorus.  It was a gorgeous day and we were really enjoying our time outside.  With the exception of this helicopter that kept hovering over us, and then it looked like it was landing and taking off from the Golf Course in our neighborhood.  And whomever was flying that helicopter was flying in circles and really low.

 

Then all of a sudden the helicopter tips to it's side and you can see something falling out of the helicopter.

 

Admittedly, this freaked me out.  I yelled for Alex to take cover, because it was right over us.

 

He looked at me as if I was overreacting a big.

 

Be honest, if it were you, and you were watching this little helicopter flying all over the place like the pilot was 5 years old and hopped up on Coke and Birthday Cake.  You would be concerned too, right?

 

Alex then pointed out that it was a guy and he had a parachute.

 

Whew!

 

Helicopter landed again, then took off, and parachute dude jumped out again. 

 

At that point, it was time to pick up Izzy.  But I vowed to return to figure out what the heck was going on.

 

And we did.

 

Which we then discovered....

 

 

 

An Army Black Hawk!

 

And a Chinook!

 

And that crazy little helicopter with Parachute Dude.  I couldn't get a picture of them though, they never stood still long enough to.

 

For Veteran's Day, a local Reserve Unit showed up for a bit of a show!

 

The kids got to tour the Chinook.  And we got to watch as both the Black Hawk and Chinook took off. We also saw Parachute Dude jump out of the small helicopter a few more times as well.

 

The kids were super excited. 

 

And even better.  Ike is now old enough for Laser Tag!

 

He had so much fun.  He would play dead, when he got shot by another player.  He cracked me up.

Riding Along In My Automobile

Picking up last minute supplies for my procrastinating kids.....

I have a realized a true testament of a Mother's Love is her restraint from strangling her kids.  After all, many other species eat their young for far lesser infractions.

Yet, here I am 10:00 at night, with the house finally quiet.

The Science Fair was assigned in September.  Supplies were bought in October.  And constant reminders every week, regarding their progress.

I found myself rushing out this evening to pick up the pictures, they had 2 months to get ready.  I also found myself at our local home improvement super store buying yet another thermometer.

And then at the local office supply store picking up supplies that were never mentioned but absolutely necessary for the "success" of said scientific experimentation.  I did veto the hot pink and black zebra stripe duct tape...

Once the kids did finally get their projects completed, I announced it was bedtime.  To which Izzy responded with "But I haven't had Dinner yet!". 

Ummmmmmmm  "what were you doing at Dinner time?"

She shrugged, "painting my nails".

I rolled my eyes faster than a roulette wheel.

I know what I was doing at Dinner time, I was editing Alex's typed out work.  And then making him reprint it.  And then I was making Ike and Moops get dressed for the fourth time this afternoon, so we could go pick up the pictures we needed printed.

Since then I have also made 3 attempts at heating up leftover dinner in the oven, only to realize, each time I set the oven I hit "cancel" instead of "start"....

And yet, it is only Wednesday.

On a positive note, I remembered Ike has a concert on Thursday.  This is a positive, because not only did I remember about the concert, I remembered about a week early.  AND I made it a point to put an alarm on my phone so that I wont forget for when the concert actually does happen, next week.

Holding My Child Hostage

At least once a week (usually on Tuesdays, since Mondays are a late night for us), Ike falls asleep on our way to jiu jitsu.  And, in an effort to promote world peace, I let him sleep while parked in the dojo parking lot.  And, I usually use this brief moment in time as an opportunity to bond with my oldest over homework.

Today we ventured into the world of two-step equations.  Basic Algebra, which I actually do comprehend.  Bwahahahahahahaha.

So, wielding my not-so-smart phone calculator app, an antiquated understanding of how to figure out "y" and a 12 year old who just wants to make it look like she did her homework.  We set off on our grand adventure. Which lasted a whole millisecond before we were arguing.

Oh how I love puberty....

Ten minutes, three envelopes once containing bills and now graffitti'd with math problems, and my calculator later. Izzy finally acquiesced.

And my spell check says I spelled "acquiesced" correctly!

Alex has started a new hobby and that is to antagonize his sister.

Moops, in an effort to be an overachiever, has resorted to doing all of his homework for the week as soon as he gets home on Mondays......

And so far, I have only eaten 2 fun sized kit kats out of the Halloween candy stash! 

Alas, we still have 3 days of this work/school week to endure.  And Halloween lands smack dab in all that is going on.  So, a sugar high on hump day is how we will play it.

Procrastination Is Where Creativity Is Forced Into Overdrive

I am a master procrastinator.

Halloween is on Wednesday.

We bought the kids costumes today....

I'm sure, had we purchased the costumes a month ago.  Everyone would have been able to be exactly what they wanted to be.

Instead they are a ninja, indian, zombie, and a vampire with glow in the dark teeth.  Because after 4 different stores, the only vampire teeth I could find were glow in the dark.

They did have these fangs that you can adhere onto your canines, which looked really cool.  Only problem is, Izzy canines haven't grown in yet. 

Once Halloween is over, I can then focus on all the things I want to get accomplished for Christmas, but wont.....

Hindsight is 20/20

Yesterday I went a bit overboard at the gym.  I rocked out my Burpees, my walking lunges, my knees to elbows and my 400 sprints.  I got so motivated, I decided to finish off with an additional 1200 meters on the treadmill to give me a solid 2 miles.

Today I walk up and down my stairs as each and every muscle in my legs and butt scream at me for the torture I have put them through. 

And of course, today was the day we ran out of toilet paper upstairs.  I left the phone downstairs and it started ringing.  And then I had left my car keys in my jeans pocket but had changed into a different pair of jeans after I spilled my lunch in my lap......

This is where I have flashbacks to when we bought this house, and I informed the realtor I only wanted to look at houses that were 2-stories.  And I keep thinking to myself "You were an idiot back then".....

This reminds me of other mishaps and ignorant actions on my part.  Most of which are all clustered into my early to mid 20s and involve the lack of better judgement on my part.

Like, that one time I decided to paint the inside of my house terra cotta orange!

It came out great, but I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  There were vaulted ceilings involved, plant shelves, and I didn't own a ladder.

And there was that one time I painted a back drop for my aunt.  I used my master bedroom wall, because it was the largest blank space I could hang the canvas.  The back drop came out great, both on the canvas and on my wall.  This is where my Dad taught me all about primer.  Which he probably should have taught me about before I attempted to paint my house orange....

I learned how to clean out the glove compartment in my car the hard way as well.  It was 2 in the morning and my husband was coming home from Iraq, and I spent 15 minutes at the post gate looking for updated insurance.  I found it, and then gave the gate gaurd dirty looks as he lectured me on organization. 

I will be honest though, I didn't learn that last lesson very well.  Because this weekend I spent a good 20 minutes looking for my most currant insurance registration again. 

These Chairs

What you see, are 10 empty chairs. At this point there is no explanation, they are just 10 empty chairs. And without further explanation, they remain 10 empty chairs.

But, there are a minimum of 60 women that will beg to differ. These chairs are not empty, they are full. Six to a chair, if not more. This simple row of chairs is overflowing, standing room only doesn't begin to describe the emotion. And not one of those attempting to occupy these chairs is concerned with actually sitting. They just want to be there.

These 10 chairs...

They are for a funeral.

And while WE can not be there physically. We are there in spirit.

A friend lost her husband to War. He was a medic, he was in combat to help others. Not just our own, but those fighting us as well. He went out to save lives, didn't matter whose life it was. His goal was to save it. Even if it cost him his own.

And it did.

These 10 chairs represent the families who serve side by side, day after day, knowing the value of what could be lost. These 10 chairs represent the true value of what it means to be an American. They are not fancy, not even close to being comfortable. But they are tried and they are true, and they stand strong to support us all.

These 10 chairs represent the spirits of families, friends and patriots. They hold the memories, experiences, and the fears of those who carry the same burdens in their hearts. The sacrifice that comes with these chairs is heavy and real.

These aren't just chairs.

This is a repost from last year. Not a day goes by where I do not think of my dear friend and her family, and the sacrifice that her husband and many others have made for us. This post is in memory of SSG Brian Cowdrey and all who have paid the ultimate price.

10/13/13

Today marks 2 years, since SSGT Cowdrey's death.  This week, my family also said our final farewells, to my uncle.  A Green Beret and Silver Star Recipient, who served in Vietnam. 

What Do You Mean It's Time To Update The Calendar?!?!?!?!

UGH!

I just updated it, five minutes ago.  How ON EARTH is September over?

But September was fun.  I don't want it to be O-V-E-R!!!

I got to have Dinner with my friend from The Detailed Decorator.

My Mom and Sister came to visit!

We threw a baby shower for my other Sister, who is very very very pregnant.  And probably the only giddy 8 month pregnant woman in the history of mankind, without the help of drugs........

I got to take a week off from laundry, and funny thing happened, ALL of my laundry was done anyways.  It's kind of like when I was a kid and I needed clean socks.  POOF!  There they were.

Along with a pepper grinder and rubber spatula.....

It was magical!

The Hubs and I went on a mini vacation to Savannah, where we drank like we were young and able to overcome hangovers.  We ate like we had 3 stomachs, and we walked like we were marathon mall walkers......

And we even attempted one of those "Call A Cab" Daquiris from Wet Willies that my friend had told me about. 

I apologize to you dear friend, we didn't have it in us to finish the drink.....

I had parent teacher conferences with the kids' teachers.....  So far so good.  Well, there was Moops.  Apparently he is focused and driven, and is on a mission to make straight 100s.......

He didn't get that from me.  So, that means I can blame The Hubs for that....  But, wait....  Ugh!  Darn you Hubs, darn you........

Bonus!

We went apple picking this weekend, where I encountered what I can only describe as a future Real Housewives Cast Member.....

She had her hair did, her make-up on, and blinged out.  And as she stepped onto the tractor trailer that hauls you up the mountain, I took note of the cream colored silk tunic and knee high patent leather stiletto boots she was wearing, AND her big blingy handbag.  Her entourage (hubby and sons) were all in jeans, t-shirts and sneakers.

I was in t-shirt, jeans and sneakers......  Le Sigh...

I didn't think much of her after that.  After all, I had apples to pick.  Granny Smith, Jona Gold, Stayman Wynsap, Empire, Rome Beauties.......

It wasn't until after I had already sent The Hubs and the boys back to the starting point that I saw her again.

This time though, she was sprinting through the rows of apples effortlessly.  Blingy bag on one arm and big ol' sack of apples on the other.

She paused for a moment, turned around and yelled at her entourage to keep up. 

Looking back at them, they were all sweaty and sluggish.  And they most definitely were not wanting to be there.

Looking back at her, she was darting from apple tree to apple tree stating very precisely her intentions for each apple.  She was like an apple expert in Prada....

From what I can decipher, dinner for them was a 5 course meal with an apple theme.

For us, it was chicken tacos and rice......

And I Will Walk 500 Miles......

No I wouldn't......

But we conned my Mom into coming for a visit......

what have I done since she has arrived????????????

Well, I haven't done.....

my laundry...

the dishes...

the floors...

gotten up with my kids....

I DID smoke a brisket...... 

FYI.  My rub is as follows......

oregano
ground mustard
paprika
cayenne pepper
salt
cinnamon
cumin
garlic powder
black pepper

And then after smoking it for 3 hours with mesquite wood chips, I stuck it in the oven at 200 degrees and added dark brown mustard and worcestire sauce to the juices and let it marinate spa style for a few hours.

I think I am in love....

And then my Mom made us go to Ikea.

And now I have new dishes, and tea towels and cinnamon rolls and a shoe cabinet!!!!!!!

Then we absolutely had to got to Toys r us where my Mom let the kids go wild.

And while the shoes may now be put away, I have 1000 more legos to step on..............

She has a way of keeping me in line, and it is evil and genius.......

But dude, my Mom, she's not insane.  So that is good.

And even better, she backs me up just enough to totally confuse the kids.

I love my Mom....

Quarantine

So, this morning around 2 am, Moops started with the puke.  I was actually sound asleep and it was The Hubs that woke up, and then woke me up.  Sleep was just a dream after that.  The laundry room went into operation, barf buckets had to be pulled from inventory, and hazmat had to be notified.

Soon after, it was time to get ready for school.  And while I'm sure my kids are fully capable of getting their clothes themselves.  I usually pull their clothes for them, so I can be sure they are wearing CLEAN underwear, socks, uniforms, etc.

So, to my delight, a groggy Alex proceeds to get himself dressed.  I watched as he took Izzy's uniform skirt and slinked off.  And duh, I didn't say a thing. 

He came back into the kitchen "dressed", although he was having trouble with the button.  FYI, his pants have snaps instead of buttons.

I smirked and waited a few minutes, because he still hadn't noticed. 

By this time, I am trying really hard not to laugh.

And yes, I did finally point out that he was wearing his sisters skirt.  He was quite miffed.

I then went to go wake up Ike, who also was sick.  Joy~

Three out of four of my kids were home today.....

Ike does sick differently though.  He throws up and then is good for hours on end.  He is happy, playful, hungry.  Then he pukes again.  We then Rinse (disinfect) and Repeat.

Tomorrow I am supposed to have Dinner with my good friend from The Detailed Decorator .  The Hubs says I still should go, that he can handle the puke, if necessary.  Hmmmmmmmm

I promise, if I feel ill I will quarantine myself and only share my germs with The Hubs.....

So, it's been a while.

We are on week (wait while I pull up my little calendar real quick....) FIVE!

I completed my 3 weeks of training and am now working with my new system.  So far I haven't created any fires or deleted any accounts.  But part of that is because I don't have the authority to delete accounts yet...... 

I have found a way to drive my kids bonkers, and in turn trained them with beeping....

How did I manage this, you ask?

Well, I leave the cordless phone in random places, and then when I want to use it, I hit the page button on the base and wait for them to bring it to me...

The kids have experienced the magic that is Day Care.  And they were sadly disappointed, no unicorns, no incredible snacking,  that kid that blows bubbles with his snot was there, and they had to complete their homework before they were allowed to play.....

Izzy has entered into her final year as a child, and her teen years are approaching far faster than I can handle.....

 

I think it is time for boarding school at a convent......

 

Those were the sparkly ones. 

 

There were also platform stilettos with big flowers on them.

 

And red patent leather with spikes......

 

What was startling is she walks better in the heels than she does in normal shoes or even barefoot.

 

Izzy claimed they were acceptable to wear to school because they are closed toe and closed heel.

 

I said "the only time I will ever be cool with you wearing shoes like that is if you are a lawyer and you use them to kick your opposing counsel to the curb......"

 

I got the stink face from her.

 

There was also a run in with one of Alex's teachers.  I seemed to have made an impression, or actually, Alex has made quite the impression.

 

First, I was recognized after only one very brief introduction made many moons ago.

And then I was called out of the crowd I was hoping to disappear into.

 

We had a lovely talk. 

Apparently Alex is quite the pleasant individual at school.

Nothing like his brooding tormented soul at home.

And he works really hard in class.

Nothing like his chores assignment here at home.

And he smiles!  A lot....

 

Maybe there is some sort of vortex that he passes through on his way to class that alters his personality blue print. 

 

I of course called Alex out when I got home. 

And he gave me his smirk.

 

 

 

 

I Survived

Yup, I sure did. 

I worked a full 40 hours this week, and I lived to talk about it.

My house, however, did not. 

That is partly because we had sick kids, projectile vomiting, and 2 days off of school.

And the kids seem to have forgotten what it means to get their chores done. 

This has been an interesting week. 

At work, I am learning a new system, hence the 40 hours this week.  And I work from home, which will help provide you with a better visual of my week.  And The Hubs was home on Thursday in preparation for an overnight business trip.

At school, Izzy was signed up for a whole bunch of stuff.  She found herself signing up for Newspaper club, Honor Band, FEA (Future Educators of America), and Dramatic Choir (as opposed to monotonous choir).  She even had to submit a writing sample for Newspaper, and she got in.

"YIPPEE!".

She shared a play by play of one of her classmates going all Exorcist in class. 

Which then helped me not freak out too much when Ike went all Exorcist while we were in the car line.  The kid we carpool with said he sounded like a "fire hose".  Lovely.

I am wondering what the teacher who ended up with our car was thinking........ 

Her face said "ewwww" but she was very pleasant about it.

"Oh look, someone isn't feeling too well.".

To Home, we went. 

Although a trip to the grocery for carpet cleaner and wine was tempting.  I wonder what someone would think if I was at the grocery with a lethargic 5 year old, and my basket consisted of Lysol, carpet cleaner and the biggest jug of vino available at 7:30 in the morning.  HA HA HA. 

Izzy wasn't feeling well that evening, when I picked her up from our carpool buddy.

Which meant the following day I had the Exorcist squared on my couch, while I attempted to learn how to create fire using a cotton ball and sharpie.  OK, maybe not exactly that, but it is how I felt going over the material I am currently learning.

And then there was all that other stuff that needs to get done.  Like dinner, laundry, cleaning puke off the back of my seat in the swagger wagon.

Thursday and Friday there was no school.  Fortunately Ike and Izzy are now recovered, and have since started an epidemic.  While we have not yet experienced Exorcist III, Moops is well on his way....  Joy!

My living room looks like a tornado hit.  The playroom has been conquered by Izzy's Build A Bear Army, and Alex has forgotten how to load the dishwasher.  And I don't know why, and so far I can't get a straight answer.  But all four of my children felt compelled to completely empty the contents of their school bags all over the kitchen table.

This weekend we celebrate The Hubs' Birthday.  He will be 21+X.  He intends to gain 5 lbs by eating everything he refrains from eating the rest of the year, enjoying some Scotch, and hitting up the movies.  I intend to make a cake and hope it works out, make a whole bunch of food, and then hope like heck I don't go exorcist myself. 

All so we can repeat on Monday!

The First Week of School

And it was a doozie.

We also started earlier than most of the rest of the country, and my kids were aware of this.  And they were not happy.

There were lots of tears, from Moops in particular.  They started Sunday night and continued until we started to load up into the car, Monday morning.

The Hubs even took the day off, so he too could join in the festivities.  It's a special year for us.  Ike, starts school for the first time.  And even more important, this will be the first time in 12 years that I do not have a child in tow at all times. 

That's right, I am now kid free for approximately 7 1/2 hours a day!  Do you know what kind of damage I could cause.  Tee hee.

But first, we have to get all the kids to class. 

Izzy and Alex, pretty much took themselves to class.  I think we got a half attempt at a wave good bye from Alex.  Izzy didn't even acknowledge our existence once we climbed out of the car.

The Hubs took Moops to his class.  He was OK initially, but his teacher did say there were even more tears that afternoon.  But not too bad.

And then there was Ike.  Ike is the baby, and he is a Mama's Boy too.  And there is the pesky little issue with being spoiled.  When I would take him to volunteer in Moops' class last year, he wanted no part in it.  He usually would be upset when I would tell him we were going.  He would try to hide his shoes.

So, I didn't know what to expect from him.  Was he going to end up flipping out like that one kid last year, that had to be dragged in by the PE coach, kicking and screaming demanding he be returned to his Mom.  Was he going to cry and cling to my leg.  I was really anxious, as we walked down the hall.  So far so good, he marched to his class like a good boy.  Then he entered his classroom, tossed his back pack to his teacher and headed straight for his chair.  He had this "let's do this" vibe going.  And he was really annoyed when we told him he had to go help his teacher with his back pack. 

She showed him where to put his lunch box, where to put his folder, and how to hang up his back pack.

I tried to give him a hug, and he just kept walking past me.  He told me he had to color.

So, I tried to get a picture, but he refused to look up. 

So, I tried to give him another hug.  No go. 

So, now I'm feeling all conflicted.  I am so relieved he didn't freak out.  But I'm feeling a little rejected, given he wasn't going to even give me a hug.    And then I was like "wait, I'm free!" and the scene from the movie Madagascar with that zebra popped into my head.

The Hubs and I went out to lunch on Monday, and we enjoyed eating without distractions.

And I played on facebook a lot. 

I went to the gym.

And we went grocery shopping. 

It was Twilight Zone weird at times.

We picked up the kids, which was an hour long ordeal.  But it was nice, we chatted.  I watched the lady in the car next to us pick her nose.  The kids were all exhausted, and Ike was a bit anxious over the concept of homework. 

Tuesday it was just me, all by myself.  I had a taco for lunch.  The car line only took 40 minutes. I was the Mom seat dancing to AC/DC in the minivan.  Yup, that was me. 

Wednesday I opted for a nap.  The nap did not go well.  So, I went to the gym instead. 


Thursday was grocery day.  I went grocery shopping all by myself.  I got to take my time, spent a good 10 minutes reading the back of packages.  I also went out and bought a big dry erase calendar.  Given that Izzy has 4 different enrichment activities this semester, Alex has jiu jitsu and boy scouts, Moops has jiu jitsu, and I have work.  And The Hubs travels.  I thought maybe having a calendar would be helpful.  It is really cool, it's one of those peel and stick ones.  And I got different colored markers.  He he.

And for giggles, and some Vodka.  I went to a liquor store.  I never get to go to liquor stores!  I felt 21 again, when I got carded.  That was until they then carded the 90 year old lady behind me too.  She was a bit annoyed because she had to go searching for her license and her pill case spilled out inside her bag.  And some guy in the whiskey isle was in the middle of a very heated phone discussion with someone about how to do their job right.  He was wearing one of those bluetooth thingies in his ear, so it looked like he was shouting at no one.  The cashier guy said they keep him around for entertainment purposes.

And today is Friday!  Not only is it Friday, but it is also Ike's Birthday!  So, he got to take in a special treat for his class.  We opted for Tootsie Rolls and Nerds, two of his favorites. 

It's also my cousin's birthday.  He is 30 now, and I'm sure not handing out Nerds or Tootsie Rolls to his coworkers.  Nor do I see him noshing on a giant chocolate chip cookie cake for breakfast. 

And once school is out today, it will be all about Ike.  He wants to play video games and eat cheap pizza and stay up until 10 pm.  Happy Birthday Ike!

You Know How You Know....

It is going to be one of those days, just moments after you wake up. 

Usually you find yourself swishing saline (for contacts) instead of Listerine. 

Or replying a simple "yes" to a text proves to be impossible, and you seriously consider chucking your phone at a brick wall.

And then your children add to it by doing things that you can't really explain, so you just shrug.

Then there is when you go to do something, but completely forget what it is you intended to do, so you get on facebook instead.  Only to realize that you were supposed to take your bread out of the oven, and now you have burnt bread.

Yup.  That has been my week....

Today, I Was That Other Mom....

Today was NAGA, which is a grappling tournament for mixed martial arts.  It was also Alex's first tournament.  The hubs competed too, but we aren't talking about him tonight.

It was 7 hours of unairconditioned high school auditorium with 700 of our closest sweatiest Atlanta bound families of fighters.

I can't remember what time this was taken.  Alex is in there some where.  I think it was early on, before the sweats and heat kicked in.

Here you can see the fighters.  On the other side is a mob, attempting to overcome the bleachers.

Lunch was hot dogs and hamburgers.

Ike has a big mouth.

Hour 6.......  No a/c, lots of people, July, and Atlanta.  Hell hath not frozen over.

And then there were 2. 

 Somewhere in the sea of sweaty people...

"Let's Get Ready to Ruuuuuuumble"

This is the first half of his first fight.  Then my phone crapped out on me. 

Alex dominated the first portion of this fight, then his opponent got his back. 

It still was a great fight.

But the most exciting part, was not captured on camera.  Thanks to my phone.

Alex was fierce.

He was in it to win it.

There was the mistaken tap out, which is when Alex had his opponent in a Kimora. 

I don't know what that is, but it looked neat!

Alex jumped up, because he thought the other kid tapped out. 

Then he walked over to The Hubs and asked for water.

The other kid said "no no, I didn't tap out"

So back to the ring he went. 

It was all fun and games, until Alex got the other kid in an Arm Bar.

Then it was Fantastic!

The kid tapped out!

Overall, Alex placed 2nd.

This was his first tournament ever.

Alex is on the left, I had to ask a Dad to move so I could take the pic!

We celebrated with chicken nuggets and Dr Pepper. 

And a LOOOOOOONG drive across the ATL.

Here is Giraffey enjoying dinner.  We had pasta.  It was yummy.

I need to make myself a bumper sticker that says....

"It's all fun and games until my kid puts your kid in an Arm Bar.  Then, it's Fantastic!"

I'm so proud of Alex. 

I Was That Mom Today, But At Least I Wasn't THAT Mom!

Yup, my kids collided with your grocery cart.  I apologized, and you brushed me off with an air of frustration over the fact that I actually had the balls to take all 4 kids with me to the grocery store.

In my defense, The Hubs is in Ohio on business, and we were down to a few frozen tilapia filet's, some stale graham crackers, and the frozen brussel sprouts I bought 19 months ago.

Sure, I could have ordered pizza again, and avoided the whole ordeal.  But we did that a few days ago, and the kids demanded something "different".  Plus we needed more toothpaste, soap and toilet paper.

And I went through my preventative chaos routine.  I gave the kids a chance to play this morning, then I fed them a good meal, and I followed up with my "you will behave or face the wrath of a scorned mommy" threat.

Unfortunately, someone fed my kids kiddie crack, and bribed them.

So, we were met with one heck of a day.

There was the moment Moops almost took down an isle at Walmart, while I was attempting to locate the very specific plastic dividers with pockets I needed to buy in bulk for school.

And then there was the trip to the grocery store......

In the first 3 seconds we were IN the grocery, Moops had turned on the conveyors to 3 separate cash registers.  There was no time for me to react, as I was under the impression that I was still holding his hand.  It was almost like he had turned them on via telepathy, except for the fact that he was physically turning them on.  And I was freaking out, running towards him in a very manic needing Valium manner. 

Video games were confiscated, and girly screams in sued.  And a frantic rush, on my part, to turn off all the conveyor belts.

From then on, he was to hold onto the cart/buggy/basket with my hand firmly placed on top of his, in order to prevent any further scenarios involving cash registers, scales or other things I have not yet encountered.

Which you would "think" included, running into other people's cart/buggy/baskets.  But NOOOOOOO.  That only meant a bigger challenge for the Moops.  How can he successfully collide with every other cart/buggy/basket in the store?

In one word, fantastically!

I worry. 

Either this means, one day we will be writing a very hefty check to one of our neighbors after he drives a car into their living room.  OR, on an optimistic note, he is learning the hard way that OTHER people do in fact exist.

Mean while......  Alex is suffering from a very hard class the day before.  Even his eyes hurt, along with every step he took, every breath.....

And Ike was perfecting his clepto skills. 

And Izzy was establishing her place as the Alpha in the group.  Too bad, I am supposed to be the Alpha.

And there were the 4 or 6 or 20 trips to the restroom.

And there were the 3 different stores  we attempted to buy AAA batteries, on Moops' authority. 

The good news is, Ike's kitty is alive again, and can blink its eyes.  This is particularly freaky if you are sound asleep and roll over onto the "furreal" toy at 2 in the morning.

And I just discovered the package of Chips Ahoy I bought on a whim is all gone......

ARGH!

BUT!

I was NOT the Mother whose kid went into Chrenoble mode over a hotwheel at the checkout.  And I did not have to carry out any of my flailing screaming children, thus leaving an entire cart/buggy/basket of groceries behind.  And while I'm sure there were signs of relief, as I left the grocery.  I am sure as heck hoping it is was not a collective sigh, and that my picture does not end up on the banned patron bulletin board located in the employee lounge, anytime soon.

The good news my friends, all 4 of my kids start school in 10 days, and that means this is the last summer grocery trip  for at least 9 months!

Friday The 13th

And so begins what would be the most expensive time of year for us. 

It starts with Alex's Birthday and finishes off with our wedding anniversary.

Over the course of the next five and a half weeks, we will celebrate 5 Birthdays, The First Day of School, and our wedding anniversary.

We will have purchased

uniforms for all the kids
school supplies
birthday presents x5
birthday parties x5
a babysitter so we can spend a ridiculous amount of money on dinner for us
and because our bank account isn't hurting already, something else will go wrong....

Because Murphy loves us like "we're family"....

And how did we begin the Marathon of Crazy?

With French Toast, of course!

P.S. The trick candles I got, didn't work

This is the Phantom thingy Alex got from the grandparent who is responsible for The Hubs.  It has almost 1000 pieces.  And I was selected to put it together.

Alex was kind enough to get it all set up for me.

This is step 1, only 99 to go.....

We are about 4 hours and a bottle of wine into the project.

We did take a time out for a Birthday party, where Moops got to pet a variety of reptiles, which included a ticked off alligator and a very large "baby" albino Burmese python.  Ike and I decided to appreciate from really really really a far...

Three days, two sore thumbs and 3 bottles of wine later......

I had to take a break, to make dinner.  Everyone was hungry, and my thumbs hurt. 

In addition to building a large plastic armadillo thingy, we also had a Birthday party.  Said birthday party consisted of seven 10-12 year olds, of mixed gender.  It was chaotic,but my sister was here, and there was wine.  So, it was OK. 

We also went shopping and bought more clothes for The Hubs.  Did you know, it took only a decade to convince him to try on the clothes he buys.  And that only happened because I made him return the clothes he bought without trying on first, the last time he did that.  And there was some stink eye involved. 

I did other stuff too, but I am too tired to remember what it was.  I think it involved 2 different meals of tacos, a trip to Steak n' Shake, and the realization that I still don't like Legos or other brands of similar plastic brick blocks.  All 960 some odd of them...

Summer Lovin', had me a blast...

(hummed via toned deaf, out of sync, and really badly....)

"Summer Lovin', happened so fast..."

Ok, I'm done.  I promise.

So, we are halfway through our very laid back and not so exciting Summer vacation.  We opted for boring this year, because boring is really what we wanted.  And so far so good.  And isn't that what we really remember and cherish from childhood?  The opportunity to waste away a day, and even get bored. 

We go to the pool and swim around, unless of course someone else's kid poops/pukes/both in the pool. 

We watch tv, play video games, and fight over computer time.  Because honestly, that is what I remember wanting to do every Summer myself.  The only difference is I'm technically older than cable, my video games consisted of Mario, Tetris, and when my cousin was around Zelda.  And computer time was done at Grandpa's house, and we played Jeopardy, Monopoly, and Spy Hunter. 

Today, we swapped cable for netflix.  And while Mario and Tetris are still around, Zelda has been replaced with Halo.  And for some crazy reason, the kids are obsessed with a game that is old school like me, called Mine Craft. 

I miss Spy Hunter.

The kids seem to be moderately pleased with our arrangement.  The "I'm bored" comments are not too numerous, and easily remedied with "Ok I have Chores for you then.". 

And when the Devil is not in Georgia, I kick them out of the house and make them commune with nature.

The Hubs bought one of those sprinklers that goes back and forth.  The kids love it, almost more than the expensive pool membership we pay for. 

We have managed to avoid serious injury, so far.  Although, Moops face planted his nose into the Dojo floor pretty good, the other day.

And I have had only one meltdown, in regards to spending 24/7 with the kids, and frequently their friends. 

Today marks the 30 day countdown for when the kids start back at school.  And for a historical moment in my life.........

Wait for it. 

Wait for it.

This is legendary for me, as it means that all 4 kids will be in school full time this year. 

For the first time in 12 years, I am going to be kid free for up to 6 1/2 hours a day, 5 days a week, 9 some odd months of the year.  Here are ten things I will get to do by myself for the first time in over a decade.......

1.  Use the restroom all by myself. 

2.  Use the restroom without fear of bloodshed, interuption, or alien abduction.

3.  Shower without interuption or an audience.

4.  Clean my house and it stay clean, for more than 5 seconds.

5.  Pick my nose without witnesses.

6.  Eat somewhere without a kids menu.

7.  Grocery Shop without argument or distraction or feral children.

8.  Run an errand without having to plan out my escape.  I might even glare at a frazzled mom with kid(s) in tow. 

9.  Oh Oh!  Have an adult conversation, without being interupted or having to multitask.

10.  Eat a candy bar out in public without having to share.

I'm not sure how I am going to handle all of this new found freedom.  I'm afraid it might be too much all at once.  But then again, all the things I can do.  Oh the thinks I can think! 

Thirty Days!  Thirty Days!

Ode To Padre

'Tis Father's Day here, and with that comes a "Happy Father's Day" to all the Dads of past, present and future.

And most especially to those that have been Father Figures in my life.

And that would obviously start with my Dad, "Duh".  He was there for my birth, when I swallowed and earring, and when I needed him to use a hack saw to get the ruler off my finger. 

He stuck by me through out embarrassment, injury and major bad decisions.  Like that one time....... Oh wait, he might not know about that time.  ;)  (that's me winking Dad)

And now that I have gifted him with Grandchildren, he is enjoying what is called "karma" and that other thing, the spoiling of offspring's offspring.

There is also my Father In Law, whom raised The Hubs and then graciously accepted his right of passage into Grand parenthood.  Thank You, to my Pops In Law, for maintaining a high standard of Grandparent Greatness, and for helping me maintain a sense of humor for when the going gets tough.

To my Maternal Grandfather, mainly for coming to my rescue that one time Alex busted his head open while I was making Dinner and had to be rushed to the ER for stitches.  He broke into my house, and turned off the stove before Dinner caught on fire, since I forgot to do that myself. 

And yes, sometimes a run on sentence is necessary to accurately depict the situation.

To my Paternal Grandfather, while I knew you for only a few short years.  Thank You, you were pretty cool from what I can remember. 

To all the Dads of my friends.  Well, you are owed a debt of gratitude for putting up with me.

And most importantly, The Hubs.  With you as my partner, we have created a family.  You have happily welcomed our children into the world (and excitedly dissected a placenta).  You have weathered the tough times.  And you have been by my side through thick and thin, and the slimy times where projectile vomit is involved.

A Happy Father's Day to all, and to all a Goodnight.

Grocery Shopping.... With My Kids.

I will admit, when my kids were younger, we were more of a spectacle when in public.  There was a time we would wear a kid, have another in a stroller, and be flanked by kids.  Even more fun, is if there were a friend added to the herd.  We would go hiking like this, we would hit the mall en masse, we would go grocery shopping as a herd. 

Old people usually cringe when they see us.  Or, they become giddy with joy and attack with affection.  We have encountered Donald Duck posing as a 90 year old man on many an occasion.  We have graciously accepted Silver Dollars, Snacks, Advice, and even ended up with more Grandparents than we know what to do with. 

I have even been told, "You know there is a pill that prevents those now....", by quite a few cranky women with trees up their arses.

Regardless, grocery shopping is an event in itself.  It happens every other week, and requires a great deal of careful planning, and a very accurate knowledge of the grocery store lay out.  I actually have 3 separate lists I adhere to, and visit 3 different grocery stores in order to accumulate all the necessary items that it takes to feed my pride.  As in lions not vanity.....

The high end large grocery store..... Has most of our produce, a good selection of meat, and the majority of our pantry staples. 

The smaller but closest grocery store......  Has a handful of items we can't find at the high end large grocery store.

The crappy grocery store on our way home from doing stuff.  This is our most frequented grocery store, but not my favorite.  It's crazy convenient though.

Here is Moops attempting to get out of the shopping trip with a sore throat.

When that didn't work, he got Alex to poke his eye for him.

This is Izzy pretending her eyes are spuds, as opposed to her spuds having eyes.... 

Free Pineapple Samples!

Mmmmmmm.  Grape Tomatoes!

You can't find me now!

There is something about Alex and Moops interacting that requires them to drive me nuts!

Alex hiding as I attempt to document his deviant behavior.

Izzy attempting to avoid being documented, with her well rehearsed hand to the camera.

A forced reenactment of the crime.

lunchme........t

We made it to the deli counter before the kids wised up and no longer screwed around, so no more pictures.  Instead we actually grocery shopped, and managed to tick off only one really obnoxious middle aged man, who obviously did not study up on his grocery store layout or plan his trip in advance.  Silly man, trix are on isle 6 with all of the other cereals!

Farewell Friend

It is time for Elmo to find a new home.  We have enjoyed the list 5 or 6 years that he has laughed so hard he falls over.  And he has held up surprisingly well, considering.  Maybe I should send him back to my Dad.  Along with a few other toys, my parents have gifted to my children.  Like the ball pit.  And that extra bin full of legos.....

Moops is besides himself.  He doesn't know if he should laugh or make crazy faces. 

We are still waiting on his 2 front teeth...

No seriously.  I don't do that swimming stuff you swear by.  I'll just sit here and mock you instead. 

Dental Floss

I have a piece of lettuce stuck in between my teeth, and I can't find my dental floss.  Le Sigh.....

Tonight, at Dinner, I noticed The Hubs sits just like his Father.  And of course, Alex sits just like The Hubs.  I decided, at Christmas, with Father In Law is here, we need to get a portrait of them sitting together, all in the same position.  That would be pretty cool. 

Summer Vacation is now in full effect.  Today, which would be the second day of June, here in the Deep South, it was a whopping 75 degrees.  We still went swimming, because the kids insisted.  And after about 30 minutes in the water, they were all done.  Except for Alex, who could have probably swam all day. 

Other than that, I really don't have much to share.  I could say, I wish life were more exciting.  But that would be a fib of sorts.  I am thuroughly enjoying the lack of excitement that has been affecting our lives in quite a fabulous manner. 

Oh wait.......

I painted something.....  I call it  "Wet".......

A Blonde, Brunette, And Ginger Decide To Rob A Farm......

just and FYI, this is a joke Izzy shared.

While they are robbing the farm, the police show up.  The Brunette hides behind a cow.  The Ginger hides behind a pig. And, the Blonde hides behind a sack of potatoes.

As the police proceed with their investigation, they come upon the cow.  The Brunette then "moos", and they move on.

The police then proceed onto the pig, where the Ginger "oinks".  And the police move on.

The police then come upon the sack of potatoes, and that is when the Blondes belts out "potatoes......"

And that was the end of the joke.

That joke followed a conversation regarding gummy bears. 

Izzy: "what do gummy bears urinate?" (urinate was changed to improve the nature of the conversation)

Me: "ummmmmmmmmm"

Izzy:  "yellow kool-aid"

Me: laughing, because I don't know what else to do.

Oh, what sixth grade brings to the life of a family......

This afternoon was followed up with slurpees for the kids, and wine for me.

Needlesss to say, I have high hopes for our future....

The Sound Of Retreat

Ever since The Battle Hymn Of A Tiger Mother was published, I kind of wanted to find my own battle hymn to march to.  So, I thought about it and thought about it.  The best I could come up with was The Maddening Rants Of The Chihuahua Mom. 

In all honesty, I have no battle hymn.  My soundtrack is more like the kind of background noise you hear on those Japanese obstacle course game shows.  And somewhere along the lines I end up slimed.

I'm more of a disorganized frazzled cluttered mess of a Mom.  When the automatic doors to my swagger wagon open, something usually falls out.  Laundry is always a mountain range that rivals the Himalayas.  And my routine still involves a great deal of distraction and then a defeated procrastination.

My mornings are sleepy kids, forced teeth brushing, and a long desire to get them out the door.  There is no squeezing in an extra twenty minutes of cardio, or listening to Izzy belt out a fantastic rendition of whatever on her trumpet.  Goodness, no, we sooo do not need that at 6:30.

I then spend a ridiculous amount of time surveying the damage, and agonizing over where I should start.  I would love to vacuum, but that would require clearing out the wreckage that was yesterday afternoon. 

I have chore charts, and even a home management binder.  I make a weekly menu, for meals.  And I even purge on a regular basis.  Yet my home resembles a toysr'us from tornado alley more than it does a pottery barn catalog.

I envy the Mom's who show up to volunteer at school all done up, usually I am the one that shows up with wet hair and a wrinkled top.  But hey, I showered!

After school is filled with negotiations and conquering the latest of school projects.  Snacks, are planned out but not always executed in the manner in which I had intended. 

I mean well, but there is a missing variable in my algorithm that causes a great deal of chaos to not be contained.

I'm great at creating paper bombs and color coded laundry piles.  I rock it out when it comes to losing permission slips.  And I am very accomplished at forgetting to leave the door unlocked so the tooth fairy can get in.  There were a few times where I also told the tooth fairy the wrong kid, in regards to who lost a tooth most recently. 

So, there you have it.  We are the house with the not so well maintained lawn.  Inside you will see a cluster of Legos and Barbie explosions.  Lunch dishes are still in the sink, and somewhere I am searching for that permission slip so one of the kids can go with their class somewhere.  Oh wait, I know where it is, I sent it in with Moops!  Too bad it was intended for Izzy.

Doh!

We seem to be happy though.  Imaginations are in charge and while I live in a virtual battle ground, littered with Lego Shrapnel and Popsicle stick earthworks.  I have convinced myself that all of our clutter is more for security purposes than it is lack of consistency in regards to picking up after ourselves.  After all, what kind of criminal picks the house where he can't get in and out without tripping over shoes, toys and backpacks?

Why You Should Pick Me To End Up Stranded With On A Desert Island......

1.  I grew up watching MacGyver.... 

2.  I can cook, even without modern conveniences, like electricity, gas or running water.  And yes, it tastes good too.

3.  I talk to myself often in a kind of quirky maddening way.  I could be a live sitcom!

4.  I know how to make alcohol.  I googled it. 

5.  I tan well.

6.  I know how to weave baskets and shit like that.

7.  I watched enough Bob Villa and read enough Architectural Digest, that I am pretty confident I could build a rockin' hut. 

8.  Given a few weeks of the desert island diet, I'm sure I could rock a sea shell bikini and grass skirt!

9.  I watched several seasons of lost.  I'm confident that I could survive that sort of island, especially since I am capable of common sense. 

10.  I could use a vacation.....