Things I Wish My Kids Would Comprehend....

My bed is not a trampoline.  Sure, it's big and bouncy and squishy soft.  But a trampoline it is not. 

Drop kicking me in the spleen really does hurt.  I don't scream and leap off the trampoline, I mean my bed, just to startle you.  And yes, you will get the same exact reaction every time.  So please don't give me big ol' sad puppy dog eyes and say you didn't know it would hurt.  It hurt yesterday when you did it, it will hurt today too. 

Hanging from my curtains will indeed cause them to fall.  And then you will encounter Angry Mommy.  Ike, that means you!

My purse is not a trash can.  And throwing your used banana peel into my bag will only get you a cranky Mom faster than fighting with your siblings over who is being the most well behaved and quiet after a very long day trip that causes us to spend way too much time together in way too confined of a space.  This is especially pertinent information for when you only eat half the banana and the remaining half ends up smeared all over my phone and I only realize this when the phone rings and I am in a mad rush to answer it, and in turn end up with mashed moist ripe banana in my ear.

No, buying a DVD player for the car will not reduce the fighting.  It will just change what you all fight about.

You are not a cat, nor a mountain goat.  Stop walking along the back side of my couch. 

Fever, Puke and/or ectoplasm oozing from your nose will enable you to stay home from school.  A hang nail will not.

"Be Alert Be Alive" is intended to get your attention, so you don't walk into an oncoming car or shopping cart, Moops.