Thursday, May 30, 2013

The First Week Of Summer Break

Ike be chillin'

And there are water slides

And naps in the shade

And complete exhaustion.

Monday, May 6, 2013


The Location?  My kitchen.

The time?  Twenty minutes later than I'd like it to be.  Way too close to dinner, with dinner not being near ready.

What am I doing?  Well, I am making dinner, and tonight's dinner requires me to be chopping stuff up into small bits.  For that, I use a food processor.

What is Izzy doing?  She is sitting at the counter reading a book.  And no, it was not for school, it's because I wouldn't let her watch TV. 

Izzy:  "Could you keep it down, I am trying to read."

Me:  "Well, I need to get Dinner ready, you can go read in your room if you don't want to tolerate the noise"

Izzy (shouting):  "OH MY GOSH!  I am TRYING to spend time with you, and here you are sending me to my room.  Gee, I love you too MOM.  (insert heavy sighs and eye rolling and stomping off).

Izzy then storms off, and attempts to slam her door.  But knowing the current state of her room, many innocent inanimate objects were victimized in the process.

From upstairs.

Izzy:  "For crying out loud, this is not my day!"

This was followed with a large Kathunk down the stairs. 

Alex comes into the kitchen.

Alex:  "Mom I think I broke my teeth."

Me:  "What happened?"

Alex: "Do my teeth look broken?"

Me: "No, now tell me what happened?"

Alex:  "Are you sure, they feel broken.  Let me go look for myself."

Alex goes into the hall bathroom and I am assuming inspects his teeth.  Alex then returns.

Alex:  "Mom, this tooth here, it's crooked."

Me:  "It has always been crooked, that is why you are getting braces"

Alex: "No, it's more crooked, and it feels like it is cracked, and I think it is going to fall out."

Me: "Let me wiggle your tooth and see"

Alex:  "No, you might break it more than it already is.  Oh and look, I have teeth marks on my knee cap, from when I broke my tooth."

Me:  "Your tooth is not broken, and how did you manage to get teeth marks on your knee?"

Alex: "I was jumping off the landing, and landed too hard.  I fell forward and my knee hit my mouth"

Me: "How Many-------(interrupted by Alex)"

Alex:  "I seriously think my tooth is broken."

Me: "No, Alex your tooth is fine."

Alex: "But what if it falls out?"

Me:  "Well, I guess you will be using all your saved up money to get yourself a fake tooth, since you broke it doing something you know you shouldn't do"

Alex:  "See, I told you it was broken.  But I think it will be OK.  I don't need a new tooth."

There was also an incident earlier in the afternoon, involving Izzy and the stove.  See, Izzy is on a soup kick and wanted to heat up some soup for snack.  So, she picks out the smallest pot and places it on the largest burner, and then sets the burner on the highest heat.  We have a gas stove, so flames were involved.

I notice a burning plastic smell, that is reminiscent of when Alex put some of his hot wheels cars into the broiler portion of our previous oven, just before I had a chance to start dinner.  Of course that night, I turned on the oven and melted his cars. 

I ask if anyone knows where the burning plastic smell is coming from. 

Izzy responds with: "I don't know, it started while I was making soup.  I think we have a gas leak."

I rush over to the stove.  I inspect the pot and discover a lovely charred melted part of the handle that was not their before.

Me:  "Izzy, what burner did you use to make your soup?"

Izzy: "The big one, I wanted my soup to cook faster, I didn't put it on high, I kept the heat at 8 (which just so happens to be right next to High)"

Me:  "Izzy, it looks like you burned the handle on the pot"

Izzy: "You don't know what you are talking about.  I didn't burn the handle"

Me: "Well, look at the handle Izzy, it is all burned and melted now"

Izzy, looking at the pot: "no it isn't, you don't know what you are talking about"

Me: "Well then explain to me what you think happened"

Izzy: "I think it is a gas leak, besides you burned popcorn this morning.  So, I am not the only one that burnt something today."

Then there was that guy who got behind me at the gas station, and proceeded express a great deal of frustration, as presented through his windshield.  I then pull away from the gas pump, and expect him to pull up to gas pump.  By the way, all of the other gas pumps were empty.  As I leave the gas station lot, I see him backing away from the gas pump and parking by the store.

And today at work, someone called to get his password reset on our website.  I instructed him that all I could do is send him an email with his current password to the email we have on file.  He grew frustrated and said "Well, I can't remember the password to my email either, so how does that help me."

Thank You Monday.  You did not disappoint.