Saturday, July 30, 2011

That Damn Yellow Pronged Folder

Monday is the First Day Of School, aka Mommy's Reprieve!

Which means we have to buy school supplies.  This year topped out at $200!  And no that does not include backpacks, lunch boxes or clothing.  That is just school supplies, including 40 glue sticks, 100 pencils, Paper and a damn yellow pronged plastic folder.

Granted.  I waited almost until the last minute to pick up school supplies.  In my defense, the last month was dedicated to prepping for my Sister's nuptuals, and that was way far away on the other side of the Earth, um I mean Texas.

We got home Tuesday night.  Wednesday was spent registering the boys, Thursday was spent registering Izzy.  Friday was spent meeting various teachers, touring classrooms and filling out forms in triplicate cubed.

Today I tackled the shopping Trifecta, and threw in an office supply store to boot.  The first $199 was spent at Hoity Toity Walmart, where I was able to get everything except the damned yellow pronged folder.  Once we got home, I left again to enjoy a moment of solitude and to also find that damned yellow pronged folder.

First to the office supply store, which was a bust.  Although I had lots of fun watching as the fully pubed out voice cracking teen argued with his Grandmother over the necessity of a flashdrive, and how he is aiming to go paperless this year.  Im pretty sure he ended up with a handheld chalk board and a box of chalk......  There's paperless for ya!

There was then my trek to red neck walmart, where again, a bust.  Nothing too entirely entertaining to report there.  Oh well.

Finally, to Target we go.  And I was not the only one scrambling to finish school supplies.  One woman threatened to get her son a bedazzled 3 ring binder if he argued any further.  There was one Dad who tore apart the folder isle, also looking for that damn 3 pronged yellow folder.  Throw in a few frazzled tweens frantically looking to coordinate the composition books.  And we had a wonderful lastminute scramble for school supplies.

And just as I was about to admit defeat, there it was.  The damned 3 pronged yellow folder.  Right in front of my eyes, just sitting there waiting for it's rightful owner.

Oh what a relief, as it means I am officially ready to send my children off to school.  And then settle into a nice quiet house, and maybe even take a nap!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Maternally Deranged: The Texas Edition

The skies at night, are big and bright......... DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS!

1500 miles and we made it!  We are visiting my home town and anxiously awaiting the pending nuptials of my sister.  Until that fateful day, where my Dad transfers possession of yet another daughter to an unprepared soul, we enjoy the benefits of what happens when a Maternally Deranged develops into the next phase of her mental well-being, and becomes a Grandma.  Yup!  My Mother, who was once Maternally Deranged herself, has now gone off the deep end.  And absolutely everything I had wished my Mom would do/give/feed me when I was my kids age, she is now offering up in truck loads.  And me, well I got the "I have been saving my pennies so I can do this, so no use in fighting me......" speech.  My maternal instincts have been trumped. 

And for your viewing pleasure.  I have documented the week using my handy dandy digital camera....

 Before our trip, we had a Fourth of July party, and some assembly was required......

 But it was well worth the effort, because there was cake!

 Mmmmmm Cake!

 Moops agrees!
 An although it thundered, lightninged (is that a word?), and rained.  There were some very dedicated middled aged poncho wielding fireworks enthusiasts that put on a show regardless!  Right in front of our house!  Woohoo!

 Ok, maybe not so much Woohoo! 

 It still was a spectacular show.  And at times that "Dueling Banjos" song popped into my head.  As the Poncho wielding middle aged men duked it out with Mother Nature....

 It seems the party was a success!

Ike agrees....

 After a day of rest, and packing.  It was time to hit the road!  And like a herd of turtles on an interstate, we were on it!

 Alabama, Mississippi and Lousiana were a piece of cake!  We even got into Texas.  Found a hotel and checked in for the night.

 We then took on the rest of Texas, all 600 miles of it. 

 We attempted to conjure up a Texas Sized appetite.

Alas.  Texas was too big, and so we stuck with our regular appetites.

 This would be the Permian Basin.  Where our oil comes from, and where gas prices were the most expensive...

 Oh Look.  That was the view for 9 hours.

 Bubba, I don't think we are in Georgia anymore...

 Warren thought it would be a good time for a nose hair check...

 Hour 7 of 9......
 Izzy thought it time was for a nose hair check for her too.

 We finally made it to the land of Grandmas, and spoilings.....

This is one of my Grandmother's dear pets.  He's not convinced he is a bird, and went with a Brazilian approach to removing his feathers.  Unfortunately there are not many mental health professionals that are trained and treating parrots for both eating disorders and crisis of identity. 

 Look Fresh Seafood!  Straight from Fort Hancock, TX!

 behold, the highly coveted Golden Weenie! 

 We told Ike he couldn't take his new toy out of the package, until we had paid for it.  So, he compromised, and played with it, while still in the packaging....

 When in Texas, one must eat steak!  And steak he ate!

"Ugh, Captain.  I think our coordinates were wrong."

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Chaulk Full Of B.S.

Meet Our New Neighbors!  They are full of Shit.....

                                                                   Or perhaps I should say they are no longer full of it, and our front porch is instead........

And to think, this has been the highlight of the week. 

Just Kidding!

We did have a busy week. 

Hubby got to go to Paris! 

Texas, that is.

There was grocery shopping, which was so much fun the first time, we went ahead and did it again.........  And we brought Hubby along.  But before we finished off the day perusing pretty produce and all the spoils that line the shelves of our grocery store.

To Ikea we go! 

We used to LOVE going to Ikea a few years ago.  It was fun to file through the showroom like rats in a maze.  Then see what kind of deals we could score, before herding through to the registers, and finishing off our adventure at the snack bar. 

For some reason, Ikea wasn't as fun.  I think it started when we pulled onto the property, and Hubby and I very aggressively argued over traffic flow patterns.  Okay, so I pretty much snapped and channeled screeching owl mode, as I watched him weave through the loading zone, and watched as the security gaurd attempted to get his attention by chasing down our minivan, jumping up and down and pointing in a different direction.  And we have agreed to disagree on the opinion that the security truck was not following us out of the parking lot, "he just so happened to be going in the same direction as we did"........ 

Once parked, and security truck shaken off our tail.  We ask the kids to remember which isle we parked in.  And they creatively turned P1H into "Pee On Her" in order to remember.  What do they call it when you do that?  Yeah, oh so Proud Mommy there as my kids giggled and kept reciting over and over...

We made it into the building, and filed ourselves onto the escalator that carried us to the rat maze.  Last time we were here, our youngest was an infant, and Moops was not even 2.  Both were contained into vessels we could push around with ease.  Today, we herded 4 feral children through a very packed ginormous housewares store. 

This preceded Hubby deciding to challenge GPS lady on directions.  Had patience been a factor, and perhaps the willingness to read street signs, and possibly mastering right/left directions.  We probably would have avoided pissing off some of the more seasoned downtown Atlanta kamakazi drivers, and in turn avoided the extended tour of State Street....

Grocery shopping proved to be much of the same.  This time though, we avoided P1H and there were no security gaurds to tick off.

But that was just today. 

The rest of the week involved a lot more.  Things like Bleeping Ironing.  The discovery that Moops is ALWAYS right and the rest of us are wrong, so we should just not argue with him at all.  Otherwise, he will follow you and lecture you about how right he is and how wrong you are.  And if you are Ike, he will pin you down and not let you back up until you agree.  And again if you are Ike, you are pinned down for a very very long time.

There was lots of time at the pool.  Three of our 4 kids are avid swimmer.  Ike, not so much.

There was the explanation of "Punishment By Default" to the masses, as they lobbied to have said law vetoed.  They don't seem to understand that having them all confined to their rooms, regardless of who the oppressor is, if often times more beneficial to them.  As it allows the Monarchy to deflate and relieve a great deal of tension.  One day, when they have their own kids, they will realize this!

And there was my contemplation of "Nature vs Nuture", and it has become my opinion that Nuture is the direct reaction of what Nature dishes out!  This has been a long term study of mine, that extends far beyond my realization that my Daughter has inherited her Great Grandmother's Ears and fasion sense.  Or that our eldest son has quite accurately relived Hubby's childhood for him.  There is watching as Moops develops the very same assertive demeanor that his Grandmother boasted.  And then there is Ike, his uncanny ability to mimic his youngest uncle with great accuracy.....  And what is my nuturing approach you ask?  Well, that would be to survive.  Simply survive.....