Sunday, March 25, 2012

Smells Like Tween Spirit

So, yesterday I went all out.  I typed out a long flashback to when I myself was a Tween, training bra and all.

But then something happened here in Stepford that trumped my pilgrimage flashback to 1989 and all things awkward.

And that would be an all out White Trash Cat Fight Battle Royale. 

And to think, my anticipated excitement for the day was more fixated on the garbage disposal The Hubs was installing, and my purchase of Mussels.

My day started out like any other Sunday.  Sleeping in to a ridiculous hour, a quiet shower with the door locked since there was another adult in the house to referee the boys.  My intent to get our Redbox movie returned so I didn't have to pay for yet another day.....  I still owe Blockbuster, don't need to add Redbox to that list.

Instead, I encounter what can only trump Soccer Mom's Gone Mad on a rainy muddy day.

This is the sort of stuff Snarky In The Suburbs would be so obliged to report.  And here I get my eye witness account.  I kind of wish I had her number on speed dial, I could have totally used her expertise on this one.

It began with my approach up the hill, only to find myself blocked by a Suburban parked askew in the middle of my street, with doors open and a funky swaying that usually means something a little naughty is going on. 

Instead, you can see two women in the front seats hashing it out mud wrestling style.  Behind them some of my neighbors in their cars wondering what the heck is going on. 

Suddenly a coffee cup comes flying out of the passenger side window and shatters on the ever so innocent driveway the suburban is blocking. 

Out the passenger's window goes a bag...

It's obviously getting ugly in the suburban.  That large gas guzzler was a rockin' side to side.  A man is carefully approaching the vehicle.  I'm grabbing for my phone ready to inform 911 dispatch of Stepford Gone Wild.

All of a sudden an unidentifiable flying object flies out the window, and that seems to have really stunned the driver and ticked her off even more.  By then, a man is at her window trying to see if he can calm her down.  Unfortunately the woman is in full blown psycho mode, so the guy gets back into his car.

Next thing I know, the passenger has left the vehicle, and the driver seemingly locked the doors and continued to chuck random items out the window at the passenger, who is now trying to pry open the back door with her not so super human strength. 

It was at that moment, a dog flies out of the passenger window, leash and all.  And that dog bolted, it was just way too much crazy for man's best friend.

The dog seems to be OK, he made a B line for a neighbors open garage. 

By now we have said passenger pacing up and down, and psycho driver lady in the car.  And blocked neighbor is still trying to get out of their driveway.

Eventually, psycho driver lady calms down and passenger has since left the scene.  The suburban is still in the middle of the street blocking traffic, waiting for a wrecker. 

I'm not entirely sure what went down, because I am a Pansy and decided I did not need to inject myself into said scenario.  I did ask Izzy if the suburban was still there, when she went to her friends house an hour later.  Crazy Psycho Driver Lady was still sitting on the curb waiting for a wrecker then.  I think she finally left shortly after.

I'm sure blogger law probably requires me to stick it out for the whole situation to play out.  So, I apologize.  I'm still new to witnessing of drama, usually I'm the lame loser that misses it all.  Like when cops show up to Tupperware parties, long after I have left.  That has happened more than once....

I promise, from here on out, I will be far more diligent and aware of what the heck is going on.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Furlough Days

The evil teachers conspired against me, and planned a furlough day to land on Grocery Day.

That means I have to go to the grocery store with all 4 children in tow.

I think I should retaliate by feeding the kids a breakfast of coke and candy bars, on Monday, when they return to school.  They can ping off the walls for 2 hours and then crash hard, just like it would be if they were done filming an episode of Birthdays Gone Wild.  And if all goes as it should, and nice healthy melt down, just before it is time to put them on the bus.  That way they can come home and fall into a comatose slumber from the hard day of partying like it was 1999.

What really gets me about grocery day, is that I have always taken my kids grocery shopping.  When Izzy and Alex were younger, they were amazingly behaved and not any kind of problem while at the store.  Now that they are older and have been missing out on all the grocery shopping goodness, they have turned into heathens and drive me batty.  And they share their opinion regarding everything that makes it into the cart, and of course everything that is left on the shelf that should have been put into the cart.

So, wish me luck.  It's grocery day here, which means someone is going to end up unhappy when they don't get the junk I NEVER buy yet again.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Spring Fever

Pollen is not the only abundant source of frustration this season.  It seems as though, the itch for school to be over has also struck the household. 

Between sneezes and sniffles come the allergies to homework and studying.  Daily inquiries for when the pool opens have become Moop's favorite subject.  I think he has some sort of count down going on in the recesses of his head.  However, his internal calendar is calibrated much like his internal clock, and it is taking FOREVER for May to come around.

I, on the other hand, am trying to figure out how we are already in March.  Just yesterday it was 1985 and I was using the same calendar Moop's was using.  This new calendar I received, I think it is warped.  I still need to get Christmas stockings put away and here is Moops asking me to drive by the pool, just in case it is open early.

This week, we also introduced a new member to the family.  His name is Spyro, and no he is not real.  He is not real, not because the rest of the family is opposed to having this sort of pet, alive and moving.  But because I have a very irrational fear and I would have to move out of the house and never return again as long as one was inside my home. 

So, without further hesitation, meet Spyro....

To accomodate Spyro, I will be making a trip out to find another bin to store Moop's socks in.

Reggie, well he speaks Spanish, so I wouldn't really know what he was saying to begin with.  But right now he is not speaking to us.  According to Moops, he might be feeling jealous. 

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


So, Alex was given an assignment on rationing this past week.  The assignment is for Social Studies, he is currently learning about World War II.

The premise of the assignment is to help the students gain a perspective on what our country was like during the war, and what we had to do in order to maintain supplies. 

The actual assignment involved rationing out activities and snacks for one afternoon.  Alex was given 4 tickets for each activity and for a snack.  In total, he was given 16 tickets; video games, tv, music and snacks being the activities to ration.  One ticket equaled either 5 minutes of an activity or one small sugary treat.  Alex was then instructed to use one weekday afternoon to practice rationing. 

This assignment meant Alex was allowed to play video games and watch TV on a School Day.

Izzy was feeling a bit slighted, that she was not assigned this project when she was in Fifth Grade, and expressed her opinions with those ever irritating words "That's NOT FAIR!".  She too, wanted 20 minutes of game time to enjoy.

So, I have decided that maybe it is time to make things fair!

Tonight, we will begin our own Rationing Project, and hopefully we will all gain a little bit of a new perspective.

Bonus, I already have all the materials I need in order to begin rations.

I do intend to wash the jars, they were in the basement.


1, now defunct, poker chip set with lots of tokens
Small Glass Jars, once used to earn tokens for money.  These jars will now be used to hold ration tokens.

The kids can redeem their tokens for the following:

1 White = Computer for 10 minutes (this excludes homework assignments)
1 Blue = TV time for 10 minutes and if they pool their resources (5 Blue Tokens) they can redeem it for a movie on Friday or Saturday Night
1 Red = Video Games for 15 minutes
1 Black = 1 SMALL Sugary Treat

Now to figure out how many to hand out....

3 White Tokens
3 Blue Tokens
2 Red Tokens
1 Black Token

For each weekend, since we do not watch TV or play Video Games/Computer during the week.

I wonder how the kids will feel about our new project.