Wednesday, August 31, 2011

10 Things.....

1.  Today I told Ike to "stop slamming your monkey".......  Not exactly something I ever imagined I would say.

2.  Moops finds P.E. to be his hardest subject.  Pinwheels in particular, because he has to count differently. Which makes him think.  And well, after doing jumping jacks he is too tired to think.....

3.  I need a T-Shirt that states "Does Not Get Along With 11 Year Olds....."

4.  It took me 45 minutes to go 2 miles today....... Gotta Love the ATL!

5. I have come to the conclusion that micromanagement evolved as a consequence of marriage and children.

6. God first created man, realized he forgot a whole bunch of stuff.  Then he created woman.  Then realized he needed to create Chocolate and Wine to make up for the grevious imbalance.

7.  My son made his virgin voyage into capitalism today.....  He listed his Star Wars Turbo Tank on ebay.  So far he has made $70.....  I think I made $0.75 once at his age, before I closed shop and decided selling lemonade wasnt worth it.

8.  Izzy is aspiring to be a loan shark.  Alex is aspiring to be Alex......  Moops, he is cool with just getting through PE.  And according to Moops' friend, Ike should be named Army Man instead.  Because Ike is a weird name and doesnt make sense.

9.  Anything more than two 5 year olds, and your brain goes into analphylactic shock.  Im convinced that is the only way Kindergarten teachers survive the year physically intact.....

10.  Im finding I get more homework every night, than all 4 of my kids combined.  And most of the time I have to go back and review, because its been a really really long time since the last time I needed to convert fractions to decimals, know the anatomy of a cell, and that Izzy's band director must die.........

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Hello My Name Is......

Anna and I failed the Flylady.....

In my defense, I have 4 children and an adult male, that I must compensate for.  My oldest has chosen the organizational route of the tornado.  There is then my Alex P. Keaton Clone, who surprisngly is named Alex.......  Yeah, I foresee a briefcase in his immediate future (more on him later, lots more.....).  There is then the 5 year old, and there is a 4 year old.  And then there is my husband.  I love my husband.  He is a wonderful man.  He works hard, he is very dedicated to our children, and he doesnt force me to watch football.  Except for that one fateful day in late November/ early December.  But in his defense, there is more than just a funky ball at stake..........  Go Army!  Sink Navy..........  Oh, and he provides liquor!

But here I sit.  As I observe his hamper skillz.......  Yes, he chose a box from our last move, over the hamper we have had for almost a decade.  His reason, he doesn't like the hamper.  Mind you, HE picked out the damn hamper.......

We are now in School mode as well.  And well, we have 3 kids in school.  This means that I get homework, graded papers, permission slips, notices, random crap, fundraisers, and various other wastes of paper X3!  Im pretty sure my household alone has irradicated a rainforest somewhere in Guatemala.  Oh, and Im a Room Parent for the Kindergartener.  Im generating enough crap to irradicate a rain forest all by myself!

Just an FYI.  If you were to subject a potential first time parent to the paperwork of raising a child from birth to 18, you could easily reduce the number of children born each year by 99.999999999999999879%.  No joke!

So, here I sit.  It's Tuesday. I have counted up the paper for the week.  We are at 102.  AND my 6th Grader was home sick today.  Tomorrow will compensate for her absence.  Oh Joy!

And darn it.  I forgot AR again for the kindergartener.  Ugh! 

Friday, August 26, 2011

Come On Irene......

We are so totally off the beaten path, in regards to Irene.  While most of the East Coast is hunkering down, we will be at a Water Park, eating catered hamburgers and hob knobing with engineers........  Maybe Hurricane Irene is the event we should be going for.......

But I digress......

This morning, Ike (the 4 year old) informed me that he does not like "adult films". 

Honestly, I was not sure how to respond......  And Im sure at least 80% of you thought what I thought.  Heck, Im even guessing 99.95% of you did!!

And no.  We do not show our children "adult films".

Fortunately, he explained his preference.  He likes cartoon movies, as opposed to movies with adults in them.

WHEW!  Im sure I dodged a bullet there!

There was then the cookie argument.  I had to eat the last chips ahoy to avoid further conflict. 

Yes, being a Mom is difficult at times.......

I then had to drink the last Dr Pepper, and yes it was throw back DP.  We are a HFCS Free household afterall.......

Welcome to my world.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Behold The Trumpet!

 It was not the chosen instrument.

 After careful consideration, and very carefully planned out manipulation encouragement, the flute was the chosen instrument.  On Izzy's part, the flute was easy to carry, and being a tween of petite stature, size/weight matters.  On Mom/Dad's part, volume control and price were the mitigating factors.

Alas, Band Director trumped us all.....  Ha ha, that was not an intended pun.

Izzy came home with a note that informed us that she was not flute material, and that the trumpet was her ideal instrument match.  So, a 400% increase in both volume and price resulted.  And yes that is the Hubs in the background massaging away as Izzy toots her own horn.....  Yeah, that pun was intended.

Now there is an added bonus to Izzy's new extra cirricular activity.  Not only do dogs join in on the musical interlude, but her brothers also participating in a howling rendition of Izzy's attempt at recreating the sounds of Podunk, ie crazed cow and chicken in heat......  Hey, look at that, I scored myself a hat trick in puns!

 And then there is the Moops' new found talent.  Music is Izzy's, Magic seems to be his....  I wonder what Ike has in store for us!

Ohhhhhhhh Demolition!

Alex is more of our comedian.  His medium of choice being a torrential drenching of sarcastic commentary.  It's really hard to get a picture of dripping sarcasm
 Not so hard to get a picture of him, after his brothers have gotten to him.......

 Ahhhhh.  You can see the sarcasm sparkle from his eyes!

No Comment Necessary.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Sentence #401

Disclaimer:  I love my children, with all my heart.  That is why I still argue with them, even when my blood pressure is dangerously high, and I am lacking adequate fermented "grape juice" to accommodate such conflicts of perspective......

With that said.  This has been a LONG week.

My beautiful daughter, whom has been assigned the trumpet in band (but that is another rant for another day), is in the early stages of puberty.  Physically she still looks like a young girl, although she will argue with you ad naseaum, when it comes to the hairs on her legs......  She claims they are thick and black, I however, claim she is hallucinating.....

But, I digress......

My beautiful Daughter is currently grounded for the remainder of the month.  She and I did not agree on proper homework etiquette, and in turn, she found herself grounded and writing out "I will not manipulate my parents" one thousand times.

Go ahead, bash away.  I'm used to it.  What you have to say, in no way compares to what my beautiful daughter had to say.  In fact, she was so moving in her speech we added in 500 "I will not argue with my parents" and 500 "I will stay on task" to her 1000 "I will not manipulate my parents"...........

Please understand, this is in no way pleasant for anyone involved.   While it maybe unbearable to my beautiful Daughter.  It is down right excruciating to the hubs and I.

Again I will clearly declare that I love and adore my beautiful Daughter.  And I also know for a fact that she is 100% capable of maintaining pristene behavior.  I know this because she has progressed through Kindergatern, all the way into middle school, without even the slightest hint of a warning.  In FACT, all of her teachers have declared her "perfect".  So, I know full well, she is capable.  So, I stand by my methods.

Have I forgotten to mention, that she has been recognized nationally for her academic achievements in math?......

It also does not help that her brother, whom is only a mere 10 1/2 months younger than her.  Damn the PreEclampsia and Rabbit Like Fertility....... Has his own early stages of puberty starting to shine through.

Such as his overwhelming desire to protect all of those that are, ummmmmmmm, Halo related.  Yes, he hid his younger brothers' halo toys.  Inside the uphostery of my swagger wagon.......  I spent a good 7 hours searching for the darned toys with my 4 year old.  My Grandmother will confirm, I called her to vent! 

And with a matter of moments and a very harsh threat on my part, my 10 year old found the damn toys with only a heavy sigh and a permanent eye roll.......

In addition to this week of horomone infested outbursts, and my discovery of hiding places.  Oh and then there is the minute fact that Hubby Dear lost his credit card somewhere in Kansas.....   And he is now threatening to buy a new and bigger tv, as our 65 inch monster is "not big enough". Our new landscaper is sending us threatening letters/bills for not paying him for services rendered.  Mind you, his bills lack both a forwarding address, as to where we could send payment; and also a new phone number, as the one we have is no longer in service......  I should scan it, and share, its not like they printed out any pertinant info...........

I would like to finish off with a welcome to my newly married sister........  "Welcome to Adulthood!"

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Never Disappointed!

Yesterday I took my Daughter back to the store, to complete her school supply shopping.  She is in middle school now, so her school supply list was not complete until she got her class schedule.

Two things I have realized about middle school.

1.  Not all teachers are created equal.  This I know is a no brainer, but it becomes even more evident, when each individual educator is allowed to create their own school supply list.  Listed below are some (ok one) examples....
     a.)  The Health Teacher requires a 3 ring binder, with brand specific dividers AND a homework folder, for her class alone.  Health is a semester long class.  The Math teacher requires a folder and a $0.20 spiral notebook........  The Math class is an entire year and advanced placement.

Ok, so I have only one example.  Sometimes that is all you need!

Back to our shopping trip.

For any parent, school supply shopping is stressful.  For one, the same product can range in price drastically.  You have your options.  Do you buy the $3 spiral bound notebook, or cheap out with the $0.20 spiral bound notebook.  Ill give you a hint here, I showed my daughter that you can erase the front cover on the cheap notebook and decorate as you please!!!!!!! 

There is then the challenge of dealing with a brand specific teacher.  Really now, how necessary is it that us parents must fork over $4 for an item, that we can get a very decent equivalent at $1?  But then again, Darling Daughter informed me her one brand specific teacher has never been married, nor bore spawn of her own......

And then, the best part of the shopping trip!

Another Mom was also shopping with her Daughter.  The Daughter came across a pink pillow, and insisted she needed it.  The Mom pointed out she already had a pink pillow and did not need another one.

An all out fit of rage followed by a very public temper tantrum insued. 

Said Mom bought the pink pillow. 

Which Im sure will look great in her Daughter's College Dorm Room!

Being that my Daughter was totally cool about me nixing the expensive spiral notebooks for the cheap ones.  Well, I let her pick out a really cute mirror for her locker. 

I was cool for like 30 seconds there!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Hi Ho Hi Ho, It's Off The Edge I Go!

I would first like to start of with a few tidbits of wisdom....

1.  There is indeed such thing as too much cute.  How can you determine an Over Dose of cute?  You ask.

Well, for one, if your kid is camoflauged in bows, you can safely assume you are crossing the threshold from cute to crazy.  If said kid suffocates on said over abundance of said bows, you can safely assume that you are about a mile beyond the threshold from cute to crazy.  If you then yell at said kid for getting food on said bows, as she attempts to eat her lunch and not said bows.  Well, then you are the mayor of Crazy Town and need not run for a re-election!

2.  Shoot, the over abundance of bows really did me in this week.  I have no more wisdom to bestow upon you.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled mindless banter.
It was the first week of school for us.  Which is something I have been looking forward to since the last day of school, back in May....

I will admit, I am a huge fan of year round school, and mostly for my own personal selfish reasons.  I have a few credible points of reason as well, but my own personal reasons tend to overshadow everything else.

I think this year was a bit more crazy than usual.  We now have 3 of our 4 children institutionalized 7 hours a day, 5 days a week.  Fortunately we have secured highly credible extensively trained personel to lead our spawn down a positive path of learning and heavily micromanaged behavior.  That take a huge weight off my shoulders!

This week our youngest also crossed off a huge milestone of his as well.  He went from the ever so piddly age of 3, and became the ever so powerful and all knowing age of 4.  And now that he is 4, things have changed quite drastically.

For example:  Although he still measures at a mere 37 inches, he feels he is bigger than anyone else.  And with that decided, he can now cross the street without my assistance. In fact it angers him a great deal when I wrap my hand into the scruff of his shirt, and then hold him back. 

There is also the minor issue of me having to ask for permission to use the restroom, and he has no qualms in telling me no, and to hold it for a while....... 

Being that we have reached this momentous milestone, we must also celebrate in grand fashion.  And I am pretty sure we were successful.  With 3 separate trips to Walmart, a quick run through a Mc Donalds' and a half eaten strawberry cupcake with green sprinkles.  Ike declared the day to be over, and he was quite peeved when we insisted on having dinner.

The next morning, there was a very drastic difference in his appearance, he was most definitely not the same little boy that I had tucked into bed the night before.  But, Ill let you judge for yourself and then you can confirm what I am suspecting took place....

 Im pretty sure he crossed over to the dark side.

And took his brother along with him......

Puberty has me scared.