Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I Bought A New Dishwasher

You'd think this would be an easy thing to do. 

But it's not.

Instead of just picking out what I want, and then buying it.  I spent the better part of a week online obsessively looking at what is available, deciding what features I want, and what I can live without.  Then I would check for availability, only to find that they wouldn't have what I want in stock.  And there was no telling when it would become available.

It did occur to me that I could just go buy the top of the line model, that is my dream dishwasher.  But then, one of my kids would have to sacrifice their college education.  And well, we want our kids to move out one day and be able to support themselves.....  So, a budget I must keep.

Now, being the Mother of 4 children, and someone who loves to cook a lot, but hates to wash dishes.  A dishwasher is basically a necessity.  So, telling me that they could get one in for me in about 4-6 weeks is lible to get you shot with my icy pissy mommy glare.

I even drove to the crazy traffic part of our region to check out the deals there.  I was hopeful, as I found a moderately priced well reputed brand in the color I wanted with all the features I desired.  And my computer said it was in stock.

I gas up the swagger wagon and head south to the store that gave me false hope.  I make my way to the dishwasher section and start to feverishly search out the model for which I possessed a desire.

I find the right model, but it is the wrong color.  And YES, color is important.  I am aesthetically picky, and like things to match.  I have the fear of having to sell our home one day, and well, matching appliances help.

I then have to find a salesman, and that was like hunting down an endangered species on a continent in which it does not exist.  In a snow storm, with tornadoes, and plagues of locusts and frogs clouding your view.

I found one though.

Then I had the nerve to ask him if he would be willing to check if they have my preferred color in stock.  I swear to you, I think he had a momentary lapse in puberty, because I got an eye roll and a loud mouthy sigh from him. 

Nope.  Only in the one color I did not want......

So, I seek out my "Plan B" model.  The advertisement boasted that it had the space to wash 14 5-piece place settings at once.  And it does!  However, you can only wash one fork at a time, as the silverware basket is severely lacking the ability to accommodate 14 silverware place settings to go along with those 14 5-piece place settings you plan on washing.  My Grandmother suggested that perhaps whomever designed the machine assumes I only use actual silver, instead of my Dollar Store menagerie of forks.  And that I prefer to hand wash silverware.  Then we laughed, and mocked the engineer who designed a dishwasher that can't wash more than one fork at a time.  He obviously doesn't do any of the following.....

a) wash dishes for more than one person

b) wash dishes in general

c) most likely is not married

d) if he is married, makes it a point to ignore his wife's suggestions

e) doesn't have kids

f) has kids who are ecstatic about washing dishes and are also OCD to the point of scrubbing them clean enough to use again.

Just an FYI, option "f" is a fairy tale.  It's the one that The Brother's Grimm wrote but decided not to publish, because it might give parents ideas....

g) has never worked in a restaurant as a bus boy

I could probably give the whole alphabet in examples for you, but I think you get the idea....

Now I am irked.  All I want is a dishwasher that does not create a waterfall into the basement below.  I figure basic features like an interior lining that doesn't melt, good seals along the door, and a hose that doesn't pop off randomly, would be reasonable.

I would be mistaken.  It's good to read reviews..  One dude explained a complex system he and Mc Gyver cooked up while touring a remote village in the South Pacific while angry militant soldiers hunted them and their 14 5-piece place settings down.  The forks, unfortunately were sacrificed because they kept sinking the popcicle stick raft they used to meet up with Tom Hanks and Wilson. 

No, not Wilson from Home Improvement...

So after a good amount of time doing research online, and then visiting at least 5 different stores.  I found myself at my friendly neighborhood Home Improvement store picking out the very last model in the color of my choice, with all the features that I want.  But not the brand I had hoped for.

It helped that the salesman was very pleasant and didn't scoff at the random crap my kids have left in the back of the swagger wagon.  Nor did he roll his eyes, or sigh puberty style when I asked him to help me get it into my swagger mobile.  And he topped it off with a compliment in my choice of appliances and a little buttering up with pointing out that I do not look old enough to be the Mom of a 12 year old..........

Now for the fun part.  Installing the new dishwasher! 

Oh, and other things happened lately too.

Alex earned another stripe in Jiu Jitsu.  He will probably have his blue belt soon!  He has also been a bit of the Chatty Cathy at school.  So, we had a lovely conversation about how comic books are not appropriate to discuss during Math.

Moops earned a stripe too.  And we still are trying to convince him that licking the palm of his hands is what is causing them to dry out.  And will quite possibly cause him to contract some sort of rare crazy virus no one has discovered yet.

Izzy is trying to convince me that she is sick.  Too bad I caught sight of her dancing with her friends at lunch today, and joking around.

Ike has been particularly cute and engaging.  Except for those 15 minutes this evening, on the way home from Jiu Jitsu, where he went ahead and had a meltdown in rush hour traffic.  Not even Vanilla Ice and awkward car dancing could sooth his frustration.

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