Thursday, December 15, 2011

My Grandmother Says A Pyromaniac Started The Christmas Tree Tradition....

I was redecorating the tree today, because the first attempt was ummmmm.  Yeah.  Somewhere around the halfway point of the first attempt, Izzy got tired of stringing lights, and the huge wad of lights she shoved into a hole in the branches was starting to bug me....

So, I spent a good 30 minutes pulling off the lights.  Then I double checked to make sure they all worked.

About halfway through restringing the tree, I too got tired of it.  So, I rushed a bit.  Turned the lights on, and found that only HALF of the damn lights worked. 

So, I then flocked my tree with packing peanuts, and now brand the theme of my tree as "Maternally Deranged"......  Because well, it works!  Bonus, no expensive ornaments were shattered in the decorating of the tree.  They are all still in the box from last year, we haven't made it that far yet.

See the gaping black hole?  That would be where the lights don't work. 

I then started thinking.  Thinking is not necessarily a good thing.  I was thinking though, because I had time off of work, and a strong desire to ignore laundry.

Frustration + Thinking = an even worse outcome

Frustrated with the lights, and the tree, and the fact that so many of us obsess over displaying a tree drenched in lights inside our house.  My brain wandered.  And I like History.

So then we had......

(Frustration + Thinking + History)Wandering= Not FOIL but Crazy Theory Moment.

Then I added my Grandmother into the Equation.  And well you need 3 MIT Math Experts and a bottle of Schnapps to figure that equation out. 

I shared my theory of the Christmas Tree with my Grandmother.  Mine including an Alien Civilization with a Sense Of Humor.

My Grandmother, she one upped me. 

We first discussed the History of the Christmas Tree.  Which has Pagan Roots in Germany during time of great darkness and ridiculous cold weather.  IE The Middle Ages.....

In an attempt to celebrate the Winter Solstice.  What would go on, is someone would go out and set trees on fire, then everyone would celebrate.  I'm sure alcohol was involved.  And no I did not Wikipedia my information, so I can not reference the accuracy of what I am sharing.   

Well then Monks showed up, and got all these Pagan types into Christianity.  Except for when it came to the Winter Solstice.  So, in an attempt to keep these new Christians, the adopted the "Christmas Tree".

Many hundreds of years since the first Pyromaniac started the tradition, of setting trees on fire.  We, as a great and evolved civilization, have taken the tradition not only World Wide, but also indoors.......  And even to this day, in Germany, many families erect a tree, decorate it and then set it on fire.........  Other families opt for strings of lights.  But you get the idea.

We then moved on to Thanksgiving.  My Grandmother says the Pilgrims didn't eat Pumpkin Pie then, and probably not Green Bean Casserole either.

But she does agree with me, when it comes to Stone Henge......  Aliens were definitely involved then.  And the Druids were just as perplexed as we are today......  The same for Crop Circles....  And Twinkies.....

I should go to bed now.  I have to work tomorrow.

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