You Know How You Know....

It is going to be one of those days, just moments after you wake up. 

Usually you find yourself swishing saline (for contacts) instead of Listerine. 

Or replying a simple "yes" to a text proves to be impossible, and you seriously consider chucking your phone at a brick wall.

And then your children add to it by doing things that you can't really explain, so you just shrug.

Then there is when you go to do something, but completely forget what it is you intended to do, so you get on facebook instead.  Only to realize that you were supposed to take your bread out of the oven, and now you have burnt bread.

Yup.  That has been my week....

Today, I Was That Other Mom....

Today was NAGA, which is a grappling tournament for mixed martial arts.  It was also Alex's first tournament.  The hubs competed too, but we aren't talking about him tonight.

It was 7 hours of unairconditioned high school auditorium with 700 of our closest sweatiest Atlanta bound families of fighters.

I can't remember what time this was taken.  Alex is in there some where.  I think it was early on, before the sweats and heat kicked in.

Here you can see the fighters.  On the other side is a mob, attempting to overcome the bleachers.

Lunch was hot dogs and hamburgers.

Ike has a big mouth.

Hour 6.......  No a/c, lots of people, July, and Atlanta.  Hell hath not frozen over.

And then there were 2. 

 Somewhere in the sea of sweaty people...

"Let's Get Ready to Ruuuuuuumble"

This is the first half of his first fight.  Then my phone crapped out on me. 

Alex dominated the first portion of this fight, then his opponent got his back. 

It still was a great fight.

But the most exciting part, was not captured on camera.  Thanks to my phone.

Alex was fierce.

He was in it to win it.

There was the mistaken tap out, which is when Alex had his opponent in a Kimora. 

I don't know what that is, but it looked neat!

Alex jumped up, because he thought the other kid tapped out. 

Then he walked over to The Hubs and asked for water.

The other kid said "no no, I didn't tap out"

So back to the ring he went. 

It was all fun and games, until Alex got the other kid in an Arm Bar.

Then it was Fantastic!

The kid tapped out!

Overall, Alex placed 2nd.

This was his first tournament ever.

Alex is on the left, I had to ask a Dad to move so I could take the pic!

We celebrated with chicken nuggets and Dr Pepper. 

And a LOOOOOOONG drive across the ATL.

Here is Giraffey enjoying dinner.  We had pasta.  It was yummy.

I need to make myself a bumper sticker that says....

"It's all fun and games until my kid puts your kid in an Arm Bar.  Then, it's Fantastic!"

I'm so proud of Alex. 

I Was That Mom Today, But At Least I Wasn't THAT Mom!

Yup, my kids collided with your grocery cart.  I apologized, and you brushed me off with an air of frustration over the fact that I actually had the balls to take all 4 kids with me to the grocery store.

In my defense, The Hubs is in Ohio on business, and we were down to a few frozen tilapia filet's, some stale graham crackers, and the frozen brussel sprouts I bought 19 months ago.

Sure, I could have ordered pizza again, and avoided the whole ordeal.  But we did that a few days ago, and the kids demanded something "different".  Plus we needed more toothpaste, soap and toilet paper.

And I went through my preventative chaos routine.  I gave the kids a chance to play this morning, then I fed them a good meal, and I followed up with my "you will behave or face the wrath of a scorned mommy" threat.

Unfortunately, someone fed my kids kiddie crack, and bribed them.

So, we were met with one heck of a day.

There was the moment Moops almost took down an isle at Walmart, while I was attempting to locate the very specific plastic dividers with pockets I needed to buy in bulk for school.

And then there was the trip to the grocery store......

In the first 3 seconds we were IN the grocery, Moops had turned on the conveyors to 3 separate cash registers.  There was no time for me to react, as I was under the impression that I was still holding his hand.  It was almost like he had turned them on via telepathy, except for the fact that he was physically turning them on.  And I was freaking out, running towards him in a very manic needing Valium manner. 

Video games were confiscated, and girly screams in sued.  And a frantic rush, on my part, to turn off all the conveyor belts.

From then on, he was to hold onto the cart/buggy/basket with my hand firmly placed on top of his, in order to prevent any further scenarios involving cash registers, scales or other things I have not yet encountered.

Which you would "think" included, running into other people's cart/buggy/baskets.  But NOOOOOOO.  That only meant a bigger challenge for the Moops.  How can he successfully collide with every other cart/buggy/basket in the store?

In one word, fantastically!

I worry. 

Either this means, one day we will be writing a very hefty check to one of our neighbors after he drives a car into their living room.  OR, on an optimistic note, he is learning the hard way that OTHER people do in fact exist.

Mean while......  Alex is suffering from a very hard class the day before.  Even his eyes hurt, along with every step he took, every breath.....

And Ike was perfecting his clepto skills. 

And Izzy was establishing her place as the Alpha in the group.  Too bad, I am supposed to be the Alpha.

And there were the 4 or 6 or 20 trips to the restroom.

And there were the 3 different stores  we attempted to buy AAA batteries, on Moops' authority. 

The good news is, Ike's kitty is alive again, and can blink its eyes.  This is particularly freaky if you are sound asleep and roll over onto the "furreal" toy at 2 in the morning.

And I just discovered the package of Chips Ahoy I bought on a whim is all gone......

ARGH!

BUT!

I was NOT the Mother whose kid went into Chrenoble mode over a hotwheel at the checkout.  And I did not have to carry out any of my flailing screaming children, thus leaving an entire cart/buggy/basket of groceries behind.  And while I'm sure there were signs of relief, as I left the grocery.  I am sure as heck hoping it is was not a collective sigh, and that my picture does not end up on the banned patron bulletin board located in the employee lounge, anytime soon.

The good news my friends, all 4 of my kids start school in 10 days, and that means this is the last summer grocery trip  for at least 9 months!

Friday The 13th

And so begins what would be the most expensive time of year for us. 

It starts with Alex's Birthday and finishes off with our wedding anniversary.

Over the course of the next five and a half weeks, we will celebrate 5 Birthdays, The First Day of School, and our wedding anniversary.

We will have purchased

uniforms for all the kids
school supplies
birthday presents x5
birthday parties x5
a babysitter so we can spend a ridiculous amount of money on dinner for us
and because our bank account isn't hurting already, something else will go wrong....

Because Murphy loves us like "we're family"....

And how did we begin the Marathon of Crazy?

With French Toast, of course!

P.S. The trick candles I got, didn't work

This is the Phantom thingy Alex got from the grandparent who is responsible for The Hubs.  It has almost 1000 pieces.  And I was selected to put it together.

Alex was kind enough to get it all set up for me.

This is step 1, only 99 to go.....

We are about 4 hours and a bottle of wine into the project.

We did take a time out for a Birthday party, where Moops got to pet a variety of reptiles, which included a ticked off alligator and a very large "baby" albino Burmese python.  Ike and I decided to appreciate from really really really a far...

Three days, two sore thumbs and 3 bottles of wine later......

I had to take a break, to make dinner.  Everyone was hungry, and my thumbs hurt. 

In addition to building a large plastic armadillo thingy, we also had a Birthday party.  Said birthday party consisted of seven 10-12 year olds, of mixed gender.  It was chaotic,but my sister was here, and there was wine.  So, it was OK. 

We also went shopping and bought more clothes for The Hubs.  Did you know, it took only a decade to convince him to try on the clothes he buys.  And that only happened because I made him return the clothes he bought without trying on first, the last time he did that.  And there was some stink eye involved. 

I did other stuff too, but I am too tired to remember what it was.  I think it involved 2 different meals of tacos, a trip to Steak n' Shake, and the realization that I still don't like Legos or other brands of similar plastic brick blocks.  All 960 some odd of them...

Summer Lovin', had me a blast...

(hummed via toned deaf, out of sync, and really badly....)

"Summer Lovin', happened so fast..."

Ok, I'm done.  I promise.

So, we are halfway through our very laid back and not so exciting Summer vacation.  We opted for boring this year, because boring is really what we wanted.  And so far so good.  And isn't that what we really remember and cherish from childhood?  The opportunity to waste away a day, and even get bored. 

We go to the pool and swim around, unless of course someone else's kid poops/pukes/both in the pool. 

We watch tv, play video games, and fight over computer time.  Because honestly, that is what I remember wanting to do every Summer myself.  The only difference is I'm technically older than cable, my video games consisted of Mario, Tetris, and when my cousin was around Zelda.  And computer time was done at Grandpa's house, and we played Jeopardy, Monopoly, and Spy Hunter. 

Today, we swapped cable for netflix.  And while Mario and Tetris are still around, Zelda has been replaced with Halo.  And for some crazy reason, the kids are obsessed with a game that is old school like me, called Mine Craft. 

I miss Spy Hunter.

The kids seem to be moderately pleased with our arrangement.  The "I'm bored" comments are not too numerous, and easily remedied with "Ok I have Chores for you then.". 

And when the Devil is not in Georgia, I kick them out of the house and make them commune with nature.

The Hubs bought one of those sprinklers that goes back and forth.  The kids love it, almost more than the expensive pool membership we pay for. 

We have managed to avoid serious injury, so far.  Although, Moops face planted his nose into the Dojo floor pretty good, the other day.

And I have had only one meltdown, in regards to spending 24/7 with the kids, and frequently their friends. 

Today marks the 30 day countdown for when the kids start back at school.  And for a historical moment in my life.........

Wait for it. 

Wait for it.

This is legendary for me, as it means that all 4 kids will be in school full time this year. 

For the first time in 12 years, I am going to be kid free for up to 6 1/2 hours a day, 5 days a week, 9 some odd months of the year.  Here are ten things I will get to do by myself for the first time in over a decade.......

1.  Use the restroom all by myself. 

2.  Use the restroom without fear of bloodshed, interuption, or alien abduction.

3.  Shower without interuption or an audience.

4.  Clean my house and it stay clean, for more than 5 seconds.

5.  Pick my nose without witnesses.

6.  Eat somewhere without a kids menu.

7.  Grocery Shop without argument or distraction or feral children.

8.  Run an errand without having to plan out my escape.  I might even glare at a frazzled mom with kid(s) in tow. 

9.  Oh Oh!  Have an adult conversation, without being interupted or having to multitask.

10.  Eat a candy bar out in public without having to share.

I'm not sure how I am going to handle all of this new found freedom.  I'm afraid it might be too much all at once.  But then again, all the things I can do.  Oh the thinks I can think! 

Thirty Days!  Thirty Days!

Ode To Padre

'Tis Father's Day here, and with that comes a "Happy Father's Day" to all the Dads of past, present and future.

And most especially to those that have been Father Figures in my life.

And that would obviously start with my Dad, "Duh".  He was there for my birth, when I swallowed and earring, and when I needed him to use a hack saw to get the ruler off my finger. 

He stuck by me through out embarrassment, injury and major bad decisions.  Like that one time....... Oh wait, he might not know about that time.  ;)  (that's me winking Dad)

And now that I have gifted him with Grandchildren, he is enjoying what is called "karma" and that other thing, the spoiling of offspring's offspring.

There is also my Father In Law, whom raised The Hubs and then graciously accepted his right of passage into Grand parenthood.  Thank You, to my Pops In Law, for maintaining a high standard of Grandparent Greatness, and for helping me maintain a sense of humor for when the going gets tough.

To my Maternal Grandfather, mainly for coming to my rescue that one time Alex busted his head open while I was making Dinner and had to be rushed to the ER for stitches.  He broke into my house, and turned off the stove before Dinner caught on fire, since I forgot to do that myself. 

And yes, sometimes a run on sentence is necessary to accurately depict the situation.

To my Paternal Grandfather, while I knew you for only a few short years.  Thank You, you were pretty cool from what I can remember. 

To all the Dads of my friends.  Well, you are owed a debt of gratitude for putting up with me.

And most importantly, The Hubs.  With you as my partner, we have created a family.  You have happily welcomed our children into the world (and excitedly dissected a placenta).  You have weathered the tough times.  And you have been by my side through thick and thin, and the slimy times where projectile vomit is involved.

A Happy Father's Day to all, and to all a Goodnight.

Grocery Shopping.... With My Kids.

I will admit, when my kids were younger, we were more of a spectacle when in public.  There was a time we would wear a kid, have another in a stroller, and be flanked by kids.  Even more fun, is if there were a friend added to the herd.  We would go hiking like this, we would hit the mall en masse, we would go grocery shopping as a herd. 

Old people usually cringe when they see us.  Or, they become giddy with joy and attack with affection.  We have encountered Donald Duck posing as a 90 year old man on many an occasion.  We have graciously accepted Silver Dollars, Snacks, Advice, and even ended up with more Grandparents than we know what to do with. 

I have even been told, "You know there is a pill that prevents those now....", by quite a few cranky women with trees up their arses.

Regardless, grocery shopping is an event in itself.  It happens every other week, and requires a great deal of careful planning, and a very accurate knowledge of the grocery store lay out.  I actually have 3 separate lists I adhere to, and visit 3 different grocery stores in order to accumulate all the necessary items that it takes to feed my pride.  As in lions not vanity.....

The high end large grocery store..... Has most of our produce, a good selection of meat, and the majority of our pantry staples. 

The smaller but closest grocery store......  Has a handful of items we can't find at the high end large grocery store.

The crappy grocery store on our way home from doing stuff.  This is our most frequented grocery store, but not my favorite.  It's crazy convenient though.

Here is Moops attempting to get out of the shopping trip with a sore throat.

When that didn't work, he got Alex to poke his eye for him.

This is Izzy pretending her eyes are spuds, as opposed to her spuds having eyes.... 

Free Pineapple Samples!

Mmmmmmm.  Grape Tomatoes!

You can't find me now!

There is something about Alex and Moops interacting that requires them to drive me nuts!

Alex hiding as I attempt to document his deviant behavior.

Izzy attempting to avoid being documented, with her well rehearsed hand to the camera.

A forced reenactment of the crime.

lunchme........t

We made it to the deli counter before the kids wised up and no longer screwed around, so no more pictures.  Instead we actually grocery shopped, and managed to tick off only one really obnoxious middle aged man, who obviously did not study up on his grocery store layout or plan his trip in advance.  Silly man, trix are on isle 6 with all of the other cereals!