That Damn Yellow Pronged Folder

Monday is the First Day Of School, aka Mommy's Reprieve!

Which means we have to buy school supplies.  This year topped out at $200!  And no that does not include backpacks, lunch boxes or clothing.  That is just school supplies, including 40 glue sticks, 100 pencils, Paper and a damn yellow pronged plastic folder.

Granted.  I waited almost until the last minute to pick up school supplies.  In my defense, the last month was dedicated to prepping for my Sister's nuptuals, and that was way far away on the other side of the Earth, um I mean Texas.

We got home Tuesday night.  Wednesday was spent registering the boys, Thursday was spent registering Izzy.  Friday was spent meeting various teachers, touring classrooms and filling out forms in triplicate cubed.

Today I tackled the shopping Trifecta, and threw in an office supply store to boot.  The first $199 was spent at Hoity Toity Walmart, where I was able to get everything except the damned yellow pronged folder.  Once we got home, I left again to enjoy a moment of solitude and to also find that damned yellow pronged folder.

First to the office supply store, which was a bust.  Although I had lots of fun watching as the fully pubed out voice cracking teen argued with his Grandmother over the necessity of a flashdrive, and how he is aiming to go paperless this year.  Im pretty sure he ended up with a handheld chalk board and a box of chalk......  There's paperless for ya!

There was then my trek to red neck walmart, where again, a bust.  Nothing too entirely entertaining to report there.  Oh well.

Finally, to Target we go.  And I was not the only one scrambling to finish school supplies.  One woman threatened to get her son a bedazzled 3 ring binder if he argued any further.  There was one Dad who tore apart the folder isle, also looking for that damn 3 pronged yellow folder.  Throw in a few frazzled tweens frantically looking to coordinate the composition books.  And we had a wonderful lastminute scramble for school supplies.

And just as I was about to admit defeat, there it was.  The damned 3 pronged yellow folder.  Right in front of my eyes, just sitting there waiting for it's rightful owner.

Oh what a relief, as it means I am officially ready to send my children off to school.  And then settle into a nice quiet house, and maybe even take a nap!

Maternally Deranged: The Texas Edition

The skies at night, are big and bright......... DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS!

1500 miles and we made it!  We are visiting my home town and anxiously awaiting the pending nuptials of my sister.  Until that fateful day, where my Dad transfers possession of yet another daughter to an unprepared soul, we enjoy the benefits of what happens when a Maternally Deranged develops into the next phase of her mental well-being, and becomes a Grandma.  Yup!  My Mother, who was once Maternally Deranged herself, has now gone off the deep end.  And absolutely everything I had wished my Mom would do/give/feed me when I was my kids age, she is now offering up in truck loads.  And me, well I got the "I have been saving my pennies so I can do this, so no use in fighting me......" speech.  My maternal instincts have been trumped. 

And for your viewing pleasure.  I have documented the week using my handy dandy digital camera....

 Before our trip, we had a Fourth of July party, and some assembly was required......

 But it was well worth the effort, because there was cake!

 Mmmmmm Cake!

 Moops agrees!

 An although it thundered, lightninged (is that a word?), and rained.  There were some very dedicated middled aged poncho wielding fireworks enthusiasts that put on a show regardless!  Right in front of our house!  Woohoo!

 Ok, maybe not so much Woohoo! 

 It still was a spectacular show.  And at times that "Dueling Banjos" song popped into my head.  As the Poncho wielding middle aged men duked it out with Mother Nature....

 It seems the party was a success!

Ike agrees....

 After a day of rest, and packing.  It was time to hit the road!  And like a herd of turtles on an interstate, we were on it!

 Alabama, Mississippi and Lousiana were a piece of cake!  We even got into Texas.  Found a hotel and checked in for the night.

 We then took on the rest of Texas, all 600 miles of it. 

 We attempted to conjure up a Texas Sized appetite.

Alas.  Texas was too big, and so we stuck with our regular appetites.

 This would be the Permian Basin.  Where our oil comes from, and where gas prices were the most expensive...

 Oh Look.  That was the view for 9 hours.

 Bubba, I don't think we are in Georgia anymore...

 Warren thought it would be a good time for a nose hair check...

 Hour 7 of 9......

 Izzy thought it time was for a nose hair check for her too.

 We finally made it to the land of Grandmas, and spoilings.....

This is one of my Grandmother's dear pets.  He's not convinced he is a bird, and went with a Brazilian approach to removing his feathers.  Unfortunately there are not many mental health professionals that are trained and treating parrots for both eating disorders and crisis of identity. 

 Look Fresh Seafood!  Straight from Fort Hancock, TX!

 behold, the highly coveted Golden Weenie! 

 We told Ike he couldn't take his new toy out of the package, until we had paid for it.  So, he compromised, and played with it, while still in the packaging....

 When in Texas, one must eat steak!  And steak he ate!

"Ugh, Captain.  I think our coordinates were wrong."

Chaulk Full Of B.S.

Meet Our New Neighbors!  They are full of Shit.....

                                                                         Literally.

                                                                   Or perhaps I should say they are no longer full of it, and our front porch is instead........

And to think, this has been the highlight of the week. 

Just Kidding!

We did have a busy week. 

Hubby got to go to Paris! 

Texas, that is.

There was grocery shopping, which was so much fun the first time, we went ahead and did it again.........  And we brought Hubby along.  But before we finished off the day perusing pretty produce and all the spoils that line the shelves of our grocery store.

To Ikea we go! 

We used to LOVE going to Ikea a few years ago.  It was fun to file through the showroom like rats in a maze.  Then see what kind of deals we could score, before herding through to the registers, and finishing off our adventure at the snack bar. 

For some reason, Ikea wasn't as fun.  I think it started when we pulled onto the property, and Hubby and I very aggressively argued over traffic flow patterns.  Okay, so I pretty much snapped and channeled screeching owl mode, as I watched him weave through the loading zone, and watched as the security gaurd attempted to get his attention by chasing down our minivan, jumping up and down and pointing in a different direction.  And we have agreed to disagree on the opinion that the security truck was not following us out of the parking lot, "he just so happened to be going in the same direction as we did"........ 

Once parked, and security truck shaken off our tail.  We ask the kids to remember which isle we parked in.  And they creatively turned P1H into "Pee On Her" in order to remember.  What do they call it when you do that?  Yeah, oh so Proud Mommy there as my kids giggled and kept reciting over and over...

We made it into the building, and filed ourselves onto the escalator that carried us to the rat maze.  Last time we were here, our youngest was an infant, and Moops was not even 2.  Both were contained into vessels we could push around with ease.  Today, we herded 4 feral children through a very packed ginormous housewares store. 

This preceded Hubby deciding to challenge GPS lady on directions.  Had patience been a factor, and perhaps the willingness to read street signs, and possibly mastering right/left directions.  We probably would have avoided pissing off some of the more seasoned downtown Atlanta kamakazi drivers, and in turn avoided the extended tour of State Street....

Grocery shopping proved to be much of the same.  This time though, we avoided P1H and there were no security gaurds to tick off.

But that was just today. 

The rest of the week involved a lot more.  Things like Bleeping Ironing.  The discovery that Moops is ALWAYS right and the rest of us are wrong, so we should just not argue with him at all.  Otherwise, he will follow you and lecture you about how right he is and how wrong you are.  And if you are Ike, he will pin you down and not let you back up until you agree.  And again if you are Ike, you are pinned down for a very very long time.

There was lots of time at the pool.  Three of our 4 kids are avid swimmer.  Ike, not so much.

There was the explanation of "Punishment By Default" to the masses, as they lobbied to have said law vetoed.  They don't seem to understand that having them all confined to their rooms, regardless of who the oppressor is, if often times more beneficial to them.  As it allows the Monarchy to deflate and relieve a great deal of tension.  One day, when they have their own kids, they will realize this!

And there was my contemplation of "Nature vs Nuture", and it has become my opinion that Nuture is the direct reaction of what Nature dishes out!  This has been a long term study of mine, that extends far beyond my realization that my Daughter has inherited her Great Grandmother's Ears and fasion sense.  Or that our eldest son has quite accurately relived Hubby's childhood for him.  There is watching as Moops develops the very same assertive demeanor that his Grandmother boasted.  And then there is Ike, his uncanny ability to mimic his youngest uncle with great accuracy.....  And what is my nuturing approach you ask?  Well, that would be to survive.  Simply survive.....

The Bleeping Ironing Board......

I dedicate this entry to my parents and to my Grandmother..........  It will be obvious momentarily.

Im into this whole honesty bit lately, to some degree. 

And ironing fits into the catagory in which I agressively express my feelings of the activity. 

 Behold my ironing board.  And yes, I am realizing just how close in color it is to my wall paint.....  THAT will be changed!  You may also noticed the tattered tail that which my ironing board boasts.   That would be previous attempts at keeping it extended.  Just an FYI.  Yarn, sucks!

Old phone cords, on the other hand, are plenty useful.  So are Dry Cleaners, but that will be approached momentarily.

I will first start off with.......  I am the oldest of a generation that does not possess the same attraction to perfectly ironed attire as both my parents and Grandparents.  Although, I can not fully speak for my cousin "Z", because he is an anomaly.  Is that spelled correctly?  Neither are we fond of the 5 am social hour around the ironing board......  Agian, can't speak for my cousin.

I will also admit, I have a very fond and close in connection with the Dry Cleaner down the street.  So much so, that they recognized me 3 years later, at the grocery.  AND refer to my husband as "Awe Mr. Anna, how is your wife today?".

How could you not LOVE them?

My Hubby however, has decided that I am fully capable of ironing his work clothes for him.  In an effort to "save money".........  I personally think he has issues with my friendship with the dry cleaner.....  Not that it is kinky.  I just think he doesnt like being called "Mr Anna". 

So, here I am, posting at 1 am, blogging about how much I "love" ironing........  I would have done it earlier, but then I wouldnt have had the chance to blog about it.  Because well, I have 4 children, and even going to the restroom alone has not yet happened in oh, 11 years.......

That brings me to another subject (like how I connected that?)

Hubby has a new job.  His new "mentor" (that would be the guy who was picked to get the new guy settled. Is it odd they both have the same name?) was casually chatting about his ex-wife who was a stay at home mom and cheated on him.  Hence the "ex" preceding wife.  That is where Hubby laughed and informed him "well my wife would have to be able to use the restroom alone, before she could ever consider something more....."

The hubby knows me so well.  It also helps that the mentor has only one teenaged kid.  We have 4.  My goal in the next decade is to 1.  pee in private and 2. shower in private!  Maybe one day I can do both in the same day!

And just an FYI to future guests.  Ike can pick a lock, in record time.

Oh, I should probably label this post as "TMI" for those who dont like the word "pee" or find it horrific that I do not like to iron.  Much less actually do laundry......

I Admit It.

I have the organizational skills of a tornado.

This can be particularly daunting, when one moves.  One would think, with the 4 moves we have done, over the course of 3 very short and chaotic years.  I would have figured this whole process out by now.  Or just gotten rid of everything and resorted to living in an empty house. 

Alas, here I sit, ignoring the 3 bins and 2 moving boxes still occupying space in my kitchen.  Even though, their contents have absolutely nothing to do with the kitchen.  I just haven't figured out where I want to put them, and I have no desire to haul them down to the basement.  Eventhough I am fully aware that once I do take them down to the basement, all will be right with the world.  Well, at the very least my kitchen.  I can then proceed to ignore the mountain of laundry growing exponentially in my laundry room, without distraction.......

Oh wait, I forgot to mention we moved...... 

Hey, guess what!  We moved!

Yep!  We are back where we belong, in the South's version of Stepford.  This place is magical!  Most of the Mom's here boast the ability to maintain a perfect home, and perfect children.  Me, not so much.  I would be the variable that throws the whole neighborhood askew.  Instead of car decals boasting my 5 year olds nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize, or my daughter's olympic contending tumbling capabilities.  I make my presence known by the chaotic noise that thumps out of my minivan, as the automatic doors slowly open and various items attempt their escape by pouring out onto the parking lot concrete.  I then herd my feral offspring in a chaotic manner, just hoping and praying that we dont break anything and I have to max out the credit card to become the proud owner of some sort of extremely fragile object that Ill end up having to throw away when I get home.....  I wonder if I could get tornado insurance for when we go grocery shopping.

We also have what I refer to as the Suburban trifecta!  We have 2 Super Walmarts and the most amazing Super target, all exactly the same distance from my house.  Not only that, but they all boast specific properties that cater to your mood.  Feeling put together, freshly showered and coordinated?  Well, then off to Super Target you go.  Just simply freshly showered and in need of a few necessities?.....  Well off to hoity toity walmart you go.  Not feeling all that freshly showered, in need of an ego boost, and perhaps hoping to capture the next feature moment on peopleofwalmart?  Well then, it is off to the Red Neck Walmart.  It's great, big box shopping as it should be! 

And finally, we have neighbors that are kind enough to notify you via HOA Police that your lawn is in need of some attention, anytime something other than perfectly manicured grass appears in your yard.

I have learned some valuable lessons living here.

1.  You do not shop at the same store more than once in a 24 hour period.  For those that are organized, you just simply do not forget that key ingredient.  The rest of us, well, you drive 10 miles out of your way to secure key ingredient, and hope no one recognizes you.  What I don't get is this.  If no one else shops at the same store twice, how would they know you did?  Unless of course they got some sort of information gathering system in place with the store itself.  'Momveylance!'

2.  You supply the guest bathroom with the extra cush expensive toilet paper and good towels.  You can use the cheap stuff in your personal bathroom.

This next one is my favorite, and explains the need for multiple purses.......

3.  Keep a separate purse already stocked for specified functions.  You have your swim purse that holds sunscreen, goggles, everything swim ready.  For shopping you have your purse stocked with coupons, shopping list, and reusable bags.  For child herding, you have your purse stocked with First Aid (all purses should have first aid, but this one should also work as a mini triage unit), high limit credit card, whistle, and flask with hard liquor.......  And of course if you have a little one, there is also the coveted diaper bag.

Ok, that is all done and we are good now right?

Now we can get onto the fact that it is Summer Break, and here in suburbia, that involves keeping our kids busy with wholesome activities.  And no, these wholesome activities are not to nurture their young minds or expose them to new experiences.  Nooooooo.  These wholesome activities are to keep them from eating each other alive, and to keep one's house in tact.  Or in my case, prevent Obama from declaring it a national disaster.

So, daily we splash on a little Eau de SPF75 (gotta keep that pastey white complexion now), throw on our pool attire, and hit the local watering hole.

 Sometimes Mom brings the wrong purse, and instead of goggles we have ummmmm, well not goggles.

 Sometimes Mom says 'NO' and ruins the whole day.

 Sometimes it just takes the running of children through the fountain to make everything OK again.

 Sometimes 2 hours of swimming ends up being just a tad too much fun...

 Sometimes Mom needs life explained to her by a 3 year old who apparently knows everything.

Sometimes people stare at you funny when you show up with a tie dye dinosaur that only speaks spanish....

 Dinner is usually inhaled after a day at the pool.

 Even by picky eaters!

 In some instances, one becomes so hungy one must resort to shovels for eating ustensils.....

 And then there are rainy days.....

And things happen, bodies get dumped.......

Hopefully tomorrow goes better, we only have the one compost bin for now.

An Edison Moment

Today was an exciting day!

To start, I was happily surprised when a man with fruit showed up at my door!  Yup, I got myself gifted and Edible Arrangement, all for turning 4.5714x7!  It was a huge success. 

 This was just as it was delivered....

 About 10 minutes later....

 What the kids agreed to leave for the hubs to enjoy.  Aren't they generous?

In other news.  Moops had an Edison Moment.  It was Dinner time, and he got adventurous.  He had me sprinkle cheese on his spagetti.  Well, he thought that was just awesome.  That led to his idea that maybe cake made with cheese would be good too.  He suggested we call it "cheesecake"!  He is indeed a brilliant boy.

Apparently all that thinking really tired him out, Giraffey too. 

Wizards, Lizards and Boars. Oh My!

What a week we have had!

Two Graduations!
The Last Day of School x3
And an instantaneous need for Mommy to entertain not only her spawn, but neighborhood strains as well.


But first Wizards!

It helps to know that Hubby's youngest brother, "Uncle J", is visiting us.  Ike is made it his duty to have a conversation with Uncle J at every given opportunity.  And Ike had lots to talk about today...

This morning as Uncle J entered the room, Ike was ready and waiting.

Ike:  "we have wizards in the house"
Uncle J: "Oh really"  Im thinking he was just going along with it, much like whenever a Zombie Apocolypse is upon us.
Ike: "what do you think wizards eat"
Long Pause
Uncle J: "uhhh, magic wands?"
This is where Ike smacks his forehead and shakes his head
Ike: "nooooo, they eat bugs"
Uncle J: "wizards eat bugs?"
Ike: "yes, wizards eat bugs"
Uncle J wisely nodded his head and left it at that.
Then Moops walks in....
Moops: "Uncle J, we have a lizard in the house"
Ike: "yeah, wizards, and they eat bugs"
Uncle J: "ohhhh, lizards."

We will get to the boars later.

First!

Moops Graduation.

He was a natural.  And full of smiles.

 There was cake.  But first, all the students had to eat a balanced snack.  So, before any cake was to be snarfed down.  Each of the kids had to eat half a ham sandwich, fresh fruit, and fresh cut veggies.  This may pose a problem for Ike.....

 Well, will you look at that.  Ike complied!  Woohoo!

 Here is Moops showing off his hard earned diploma (it's blank inside...)

Moops posing

I will have to admit, I wasn't buying into this whole PreK Graduation thing.  But it was fun, and I sniffled a bit.

And then there was Izzy.

I have pictures, but they are very blurry, as I got to her school only 30 minutes early and was stuck in the back.  I would like to know how early those that got seats arrived.

It was a very nice ceremony though.  They marched the 166 5th Grade Students, 2 x 2 down the middle to that graduation song.

Then there was the Pledge of Allegience

Then a short speech by the Principal

Then a very prestigious award was handed out to a few select students (62 of them).....  The award is the President's Award for Educational Excellence.  Those who received the award rank in the top 15% for Math, in the Nation.  And also maintained a 90 average grade wise.  This says a lot about the school, having so many that received the award (not all schools in the district had recepients).  The school district is also in the top ten for their music program.  AND some students at the school received other national ranked awards.  It's a good school!

Im proud to say Izzy was a recepient of the award.  In addition to several others.  The award itself is signed by the President of the United States.  She also received a letter from the White House.  And a pin.

This is where I started to get weepy.

After the President's Award was the citizenship awards.

Then the Middle School Principal made a speech and promised to know everyone by their first name before the end of the 1st 9 weeks.

Then there were the Academic and Extra Cirricular Awards.....  Scholarship, Safety Patrol, and 4-H were other awards Izzy received at this point. 

Im really choking back the tears now. 

Two hours later, and the principal ends the ceremony with a very moving Powerpoint Presentation of the 5th Grade Class.  And then tells us parents to sign our 5th Graders out, and they can not come back onto Campus, as Kindergarten is up next for their Graduation Ceremony....

So, off to Chili's we went for a celebratory lunch.

And then to pick up Moops from school.

And then meet Alex after school.

And then we had to hot foot it to the local pool for Izzy's graduation celebration.

Then home for a short bit.

And then back to the pool to pick Izzy up (family and younger siblings were not welcome to attend)

And then back home.  Where by that time I was exhausted, and ready for bed.  So, was Izzy who was sacked out on the couch until Dinner time.

And then it was Friday, the first official day of Summer Vacation!

Alex and Izzy had a friend over.  And after about 8 minutes of them all being in the house, it was time to send them outside.  This is where the boar comes into play.

We live in a heavily wooded area.  We have lots of woodland "friends" to make up for the lack of human interaction...

About a quarter mile behind where our property ends, there is a new subdivision being built.  And that is forcing all of our woodland friends to visit more often.  That is also encouraging all of the Elmer Fudd's to declare Open Season in our neighborhood as well.

Well, about 5 minutes after being sent outside.  The kids are back.  On one side of them was Wilbur's distant cousin, the wild boar.  And on the other side was Elmer Fudd, complete in woodland camo, and flourescent orange vest (oxymoron right?).

The kids thought it would be best to come back inside.  And I feel immense relief because I now have confirmation that the grey matter floating about in their craniums are indeed capable of applying common sense!  You would have doubts too if you saw them do their chores....

However, that meant I either tolerate them all being inside and full of pent up Summer Vacation Angst.  Or I come up with another plan.

To the park we go!