My Conservative Stepford Behind Can't Make This Up!

I have to share this, because it is just too entertaining not to.




It has been GORGEOUS here the last week or so. Which is a little early, and makes me nervous for Winter. But Ill take it, regardless.



We went to a state park this afternoon. Again gorgeous weather, beautiful scenery. It was a great afternoon.



We will be going back in October for the Moonshine festival. Apparently, we live on 30 minutes away from where NASCAR was originated........ This is not the entertaining part, but it is mildly pertinent. The city hall for the town we were in is attached to the NASCAR/Moonshine museum........ Im building, there is more.



We then drive through the town, on our way home. And we pass an adult video store. Which, being Georgia, is closed on Sundays.



BUT, whomever owns this store is GENIUS!



He has his landscaping done on Sundays.....................







By a woman in a bikini and thong, weilding a weedwhacker.







I kid you not! It's like a free look on Sunday when you can't buy porn!







It took a while for my prude behind to figure it out. But here I sit, almost midnight going "DUH!!!!".







You gotta love the South, if only for the irony!

The Intent Was

To Tire Them Out!

 We Failed~

 You know it's gonna be an uphill battle when the sparkly sunglasses come out.

 The natives were miffed when we refused to let them get into the water.

 See the shirt on the tallest boy?  That would be an ORIGINAL Super Mario Bros shirt he obsconded with on our last trip to Texas.  From my not so little brother, the 6 foot something one. 

 That would be a shot of Amicalola Falls in Dawson County, Georgia....

 Again with the falling water.....

 Check out the view!

 Next time we bring Ella.  She would be my sister's dog, she is spoiled.  Especially when she comes to visit Auntie and that weird husband of hers.....  There was no sitting under the table waiting for scraps for this pup. 

This is why she likes to visit!

It's Raining Men

Which is what happens when you keep your 5 year old home, due to the ectoplasm that has started oozing from his nose.

He feels fine, great even!  He gets to stay home on a school day, and create scenarios that involve chucking little green men from the landing of our stairs, all while his little brother provides sound effects.  Ike felt screaming in varying to decibels was appropriate for this scenario.

I just thought I'd share.  Because Ike has calm cute moments, and I have evidence to support that statement. 

 On occasion we come home to find the homestead surrounded.

We had a shootout right on the dining room table.

 There were a great many involved. 

And only a few left standing....

And then I decided I should give Izzy's trumpet a whirl.  That was interesting, and all evidence was destroyed in an unfortunate incident involving the clearing of space on my camera for documenting future evidence.

Oops.  My Bad.

It's A Good Thing.......

Alex scored a whopping deal for his tank.  Capitalism is alive and surging through his veins.  He can't wait to reinvest his money elsewhere, take what he can get from it, and then sell sell sell!  Yeah, there is very little (I mean none) variation in the genetic makeup of The Hubs and Alex. 

Moops is about to experience an influx of funds himself, as he sets off to discover the exotic yet elusive Tooth Fairy.  Yes, Moops has his first loose tooth.  And in true Fatherly Fashion, The Hubs has successfully freaked Moops out.  We discovered the loose tooth while noshing on Warren's favorite food, Corn on the Cobb.  This discovery required quite an extensive explanation, which The Hubs happily volunteered to knock out.

The first question being "Can you pull it out?".

The first answer being "sure thing, Ill just run to the garage and grab my pliers". 

The second question being "Will it hurt?". 

The second answer being "Oh heck yeah!  And it will bleed too".

Moops has not let Daddy Dearest near his mouth.  Moops is smart like that.

And I will soon be adding yet another notch into my Mom Belt.  Having extensive experience in being the Ballet Mom, Cheer Mom, Cheer Coach Mom, Soccer Coach who has no idea how to play the game but got roped into coach because "no one else is willing to do it" Mom, Football Mom, Room Mom for Kinder through Medical School (hey a girl has dreams), FRG Leader, Mean Mom, and wife to The Hubs.  It has been decided that my next venture as a Mom will be Dojo Mom.  And being who I am married to, it will be for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, that kind that was used by some short dude who wow'd the MMA world.  Although, there is apparently a new kind of marital art out there inspired by Batman, and involves 2 people attempting to kick your butt simultaneously...... 

While the kids do the Jiu Jitsu, The Hubs wants to take up some other from of MMA that I don't know how to spell or pronounce.  I just know that is involves big sticks, knives and me attempting to explain to the ER DR that my Stepford Husband shunned Golf for climate controlled coached violence.

We had a lovely conversation about how my afternoons will be consumed with searching for the various pieces of gi's with in Mount Idontwanttofoldlaundry, spraying down sparing gear, and most likely the occasional injury given our lack of coordination.  I wonder if anyone would notice my sneaking substitution of Mom Juice in my water bottle?

Now, off I go to assist in the creation of a 3D model representing both a plant and animal cell.  At least we have already knocked out decimals for the afternoon.  You know what, Izzy hasn't practiced her trumpet yet.....  Yeah.  Background music!

Mommy. You Were WRONG!

That will be the very first statement my lovely daughter will make, as she returns home from a full day of puberty infested education enrichment.

I should give a shout out to Tropical Storm Lee, who has so kindly drenched the Deep South and spawned a few twisters to keep it interesting.

I should also thank The Hubs for announcing "Look We Are Under A Tornado Watch!" just loud enough for the kids to hear.

To which I replied instinctively with "Thanks A Lot!  Now we've got panic control to deal with"

I then reassured my lovely daughter that there would be no tornados.  We were all good!

So, what happens.  A tornado.  Yup.  Because Mother Nature has some serious PMS going on, and Murphy informed her that I have challenged her with my statement.

But see, she being female, knows how to play the game as well.  So, while we slept peacefully and I sincerely thought we actually did avoid tornados.

Just a mere 2 exits south of us, was a tornado........

And of course, since it did happen in our county.  There will be commentary made at school.  Because at least one kid will have heard it via radio/tv/facebook/parents talking......  And being that my lovely daughter revels in proving me wrong.  She will find out!

I know this seems so minor, and not worth mentioning.  But see, lovely daughter absolutely revels in bringing me down a notch.  And so I won't hear the end of this, until I redirect her focus back onto her and cause a major distraction.  Like threatening to put her on weed pulling duty if she continues.

So, today I am wrong.  Which, if I think about it enough, is a refreshing respite from being MEAN!

Date Night!

I like short jaunts across the beack to a fully loaded cabana complete with a sexy mostly naked cabana boy and drinks with little umbrellas in them........

I dont like heels.  And fyi, it hurts less to walk barefoot on southern heated concrete, than it does heels.......

I also like nights out with the hubs, and no kids.  Nights that start off ridiculously early, and do not necessarily include getting lost in a deparment store where I can not afford to shop.  Although, I wont refuse it, if necessary.  The stroll through Armani and the $600 camisole encounter, though, I can totally live without. 

I was wearing my most expensive top, topping out at $70 and on sale at 60% off.........

But it was a fun night, which started at 4:30 and we were home by 9:30.  We tackled 3 bars and a high end restaurant.  All before most yuppies make it out of the house.  We also beat out most of the geriatric crowd as well.

And we like it that way! 

Oh and double score, we were able to secure Bass Ale Pint Glass for The Hubs' enjoyment.

On the menu:
Delmonico Steaks, at a whopping 22 oz each.  The hubs inhaled his, and looked for more cow.  I polished off maybe 6 oz of mine. 
Lobster Macaroni and Cheese.  Which was just bleeping awesome
Some sort of fancy oranic green bean, which was also bleeping awesome.

And because we were sentimental.  A Dark Chocolate Tort, Strawberries and Feta macerated in balsamic vinaigarette, and Champagne.

It was AWESOME!

The kids?  Well, they had pizza.  It was probably delivered by a guy who scores $2 in tips, if he is lucky.  And now they are all tucked into bed.  We paid our waitress, at dinner, a $35 tip......  She totally earned it.

And in about 2 minutes, Im going to join my sister/babysitter on the couch and enjoy a big bowl of cookie dough ice cream.........

The Shit List

The Moops decided it needed to be updated.....  Then Izzy got ahold of it, and it some how "ripped".  So, in true Moops fashion, he created himself a new "shit list".  BUT, instead of listing out those who were behaving badly, he went ahead and made the list about those who were in good stature with him.........  This was genius......   We experienced a complete 180 in regards to cooperation then.  Ike, Izzy AND Alex were all interested in being on the "good list".  For the first time EVER, chores were done BEFORE I even had to ask.

What I want to know......  What is it, that a 5 year old has, that I dont.  Because I have implemented the "good list" in the past, and all I got were groans and eye rolls.

A five year old implements a "good list" and all of a sudden my house is down right immaculate.

Im down right jealous!