Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Occupy I-75

I have started my own Occupation Movement.  I call it "Occupy I-75", I usually show up around 7:15 and demonstrate with 1Million + of my closest co-commuters.  Unfortunately, we aren't getting anywhere with our attempts... 

Pun Intended.

Then I show up at the office, usually with like a half second to spare, because Atlanta is convinced that 2 hours is a reasonable commute time, for 18 miles.  Yes, it takes me 2 HOURS to drive to work every morning.

I tried to listen to CNBC's Sqwak Box while inching to work.  That just put me into a bad mood. So, now I resort to Big Hair Band music and Blue Collar Comedy.  So, yeah I am that Redneck with the poofy hair in the car next to you, dancing about in my seat while I sing into my morning banana.

Dont worry though.  I only have to commute to work this week, as of Friday I will be placed back into isolation and you will no longer be exposed to my antics.

Somethings I realize, now that I have made this voyage. 

1.  I totally get why The Hubs leaves at 6 AM. 

2.  Im relieved that I have yet to see anyone on I-75 with a gun rack mounted to their car.

3.  A lot of people pick their noses while driving.

4.  There isn't much you can do about your son puking on the babysitter while boxed in by 300,000 other cars. 

5.  I wonder if all those people who are starting to look paniced around Mile Marker 261 have realized that if they lay off the Venti Mocha Non-Fat Latte with a shot of Espresso, they may not end up gambling with the cleanliness of their work attire and the frustration of having forgotten to stock up on depends.....

6.  Im convinced Smog is not the result of pollution caused by cars and industry.  Instead its all the heavy smokers stuck in traffic simoutaneously.  Im pretty sure the CDC could link air quality to traffic flow, and then find that it is not car exhaust but rather stagnant second hand smoke that we are polluting our planet with.  I only say this because I am pretty sure I am the ONLY commuter that was not smoking this morning.  But then again, I had a banana to I sang into for my entertainment.  So that doesn't secure my argument much, now does it?

7.  If there is a car full of people, and their sunroof is open.  That would be because someone farted, and it was too putred to handle.  This also happens when I carpool, and I have found that opening the sunroof in The Hubs' car alleviates the trauma of having to smell our sons' friend's natural functions..

8.  Major metro areas with bad traffic should invest in highway vendors.  At peak hours you can have all sorts of revenue flow into the economy.  Just disperse those open air type vendors with various paraphanalia to sell.  Cigarettes, Coffee and Adult Diapers could see HUGE increases in profits with little to no overhead costs! 

9.  If Corporate America were really as smart as they pretend to be on Sqwak Box.  They would have all gotten together and figured out a rotation to reduce traffic congestion and improve productivity.  This would also help alleviate the gross shortage in engineers that we need in order to improve traffic flow patterns in areas like Atltanta. 

10.  The guy behind me, for 48 minutes of my commute; He obviously is far more skilled in enteraining oneself than I am.  He had a whole drum section on his dashboard, and he was listening to Heavy Metal.  I know this because he now has a concussion and his dash is dented in. 

With that said.  I think it is imperative that Teachers start to prepare review sheets that parents can pull up when assisting their spawn with homework.  And no, simply stating WHAT you are teaching is not the same as EXPLAINING.  There are large gaps in education between us and them spawn.  Im talking an average of 20+ years, in some cases 40+ years.  And with how often cirriculum changes, it would be helpful to know what to expect ahead of time.  You may also see an increase in test scores if parents understand what the heck their kids are learning. 

Surely, Shirley didn't come up with Shurley.  And whomever did should be SHOT!

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